"Dear Jeffrey,
The Training Program regrets ..."
That's all I need to read to know I didn't get in.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Possible side effects include dying
Last week, at our bi-weekly men's/women's group meeting, MJ says she has good news and bad news to tell me.
MJ: "The good news is: I have great car insurance."
(and she saved a bunch by switching to Geico!)
me: "uhhhhhh...."
MJ: "The bad news is: I think I backed into your car."
After checking it out, it turns out to be nothing more than a minor scratch. Nothing to write home about.
The next day, I find out some disturbing news...
MJ: i told the w's gp about it
MJ: i said of all the guys at the exodus, i'd want to hit ur car
MJ: we all tht about it,a dn they agreed too
MJ: so it's agreed among the women if we have to hit someone's car, i'ts gonna be urs
MJ: sorry dood
me: what the heck
me: i don't want women's grp to hit my car!
MJ: sorry
me: imma park like 4 blocks away and walk from now on
MJ: it's acutally a compliment
MJ: b/c it means we think u're hte nicest
MJ: most easy going
MJ: most likely to be insured/responsible
MJ: least liekly to get mad
MJ: least materialistic/care about ur car
MJ: so really u shoudl be glad women's gp wants to hit ur car
me: great
MJ: you're welcome!
Telling someone that 'all the women would rather hit your car' and then convincing them it's a Good Thing &trade is a true mark of an attorney. You have truly found your calling, MJ.
But, back to the point, this unforeseen consequence of being a Nice Guy &trade is like when your parents say you have to finish your dinner of liver before you can eat candy. And then they give you candy liver.
Okay, so it's not like that at all. But I still don't like it.
MJ: "The good news is: I have great car insurance."
(and she saved a bunch by switching to Geico!)
me: "uhhhhhh...."
MJ: "The bad news is: I think I backed into your car."
After checking it out, it turns out to be nothing more than a minor scratch. Nothing to write home about.
The next day, I find out some disturbing news...
MJ: i told the w's gp about it
MJ: i said of all the guys at the exodus, i'd want to hit ur car
MJ: we all tht about it,a dn they agreed too
MJ: so it's agreed among the women if we have to hit someone's car, i'ts gonna be urs
MJ: sorry dood
me: what the heck
me: i don't want women's grp to hit my car!
MJ: sorry
me: imma park like 4 blocks away and walk from now on
MJ: it's acutally a compliment
MJ: b/c it means we think u're hte nicest
MJ: most easy going
MJ: most likely to be insured/responsible
MJ: least liekly to get mad
MJ: least materialistic/care about ur car
MJ: so really u shoudl be glad women's gp wants to hit ur car
me: great
MJ: you're welcome!
Telling someone that 'all the women would rather hit your car' and then convincing them it's a Good Thing &trade is a true mark of an attorney. You have truly found your calling, MJ.
But, back to the point, this unforeseen consequence of being a Nice Guy &trade is like when your parents say you have to finish your dinner of liver before you can eat candy. And then they give you candy liver.
Okay, so it's not like that at all. But I still don't like it.
Sometimes, the Truth hurts
As reported by some operatives in Columbus.
At this week's campus group, CH is leading campus group and asks people to give an example of when they feel different emotions. For guilt:
JL: "I feel guilty when I drop the Bible."
MY: "Why? Like if you drop it on a bug or a dog?"
Updated. In the interest of journalistic accuracy, this post has been corrected to reflect the actual events that transpired. Credit goes to JW. Mozo apologizes for any confusion this may have caused.
At this week's campus group, CH is leading campus group and asks people to give an example of when they feel different emotions. For guilt:
JL: "I feel guilty when I drop the Bible."
MY: "Why? Like if you drop it on a bug or a dog?"
Updated. In the interest of journalistic accuracy, this post has been corrected to reflect the actual events that transpired. Credit goes to JW. Mozo apologizes for any confusion this may have caused.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
in•jus•tice n.
You are a 17 year-old girl. You and your 16 year-old niece are attacked by men trying to rape you. You defend yourself. You accidentally kill one of the attackers. Your reward: You get sentenced to death by hanging.
http://www.iranfocus.com/modules/news/article.php?storyid=5183
http://www.amnestyusa.org/news/document.do?id=ENGMDE130052006
Those have got to be the worst boyfriends in the world. Ever.
Oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day. Try not to spend it with someone who's going to abandon you when the rock throwing starts.
http://www.iranfocus.com/modules/news/article.php?storyid=5183
http://www.amnestyusa.org/news/document.do?id=ENGMDE130052006
Those have got to be the worst boyfriends in the world. Ever.
Oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day. Try not to spend it with someone who's going to abandon you when the rock throwing starts.
Monday, February 13, 2006
what are the reasons why I wish I still lived in Ohio, Alex?
the seasons
not having to wash your car
no street cleaning (ok, not as much)
trees
grass
lawns
birds
traffic (or lack-thereof)
clean air
large, non-skinny, non-attractive people (seriously, if you grow up all your life thinking the rest of the world looks like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine, your wordview is screwed for life)
not having to pay for parking
SNOW DAYS
North East, enjoy the day off.
not having to wash your car
no street cleaning (ok, not as much)
trees
grass
lawns
birds
traffic (or lack-thereof)
clean air
large, non-skinny, non-attractive people (seriously, if you grow up all your life thinking the rest of the world looks like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine, your wordview is screwed for life)
not having to pay for parking
SNOW DAYS
North East, enjoy the day off.
Friday, February 10, 2006
lucky! gosh!
From the nytimes:
The day went off peacefully, with even normally tangled Turin traffic easing as schools closed for the duration of the Olympics.
What the? How come I'm never a student in Turin when the Winter Olympics come?
I think we all know the real reason they closed the schools. They need more spectators.
The day went off peacefully, with even normally tangled Turin traffic easing as schools closed for the duration of the Olympics.
What the? How come I'm never a student in Turin when the Winter Olympics come?
I think we all know the real reason they closed the schools. They need more spectators.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
my name is url
Things like this make me cringe inside. And out.
RY: "Hmmm, what's the earl?"
JW: (thinking) What the heck is earl? Oooh. She must mean URL.
JW: "You can't say it like that! It's not a word!"
Soon it's gonna get added to the Oxford English Dictionary, and all the computer geeks in the world will groan.
(this is for you, Sherry)
RY: "Hmmm, what's the earl?"
JW: (thinking) What the heck is earl? Oooh. She must mean URL.
JW: "You can't say it like that! It's not a word!"
Soon it's gonna get added to the Oxford English Dictionary, and all the computer geeks in the world will groan.
(this is for you, Sherry)
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
...and I'm glad to be an American, where at least I know I'm free....
I was reading the official rules for a Publisher's Clearing House contest (you know, cuz that's the sort of thing I do when I'm bored, or at work) and I ran across this:
In the event a winner from one of our promotions comes from Canada, a skills test must be successfully completed in order for the winner to claim the prize.
At first I thought it was cuz we didn't think Canadians were smart enough to win prizes or something. Dude, talk about being conceited, America. But then, after further research, I found this:
Under the Criminal Code, it is illegal to hold a lottery without a licence. Giving away a prize based on chance alone — a random draw, for instance — is considered a form of lottery. The contest industry invented the skill-testing question to get around that restriction. If a contest includes an element of skill, it is no longer considered purely a game of chance.
“It’s a loophole, basically, and to the best of my knowledge Canada is the only country that has that requirement,” said Toronto lawyer Brenda Pritchard, who is co-authoring a book called Advertising and Marketing Law in Canada that devotes an entire chapter to contests.
It's ok, the skills test is a simple math problem that only requires you to remember the order of operations.
2 * (18-4) + 4 = ?
Then again, that probably poses a big problem for a lot of people. Oh, well, more chances for me I guess. ...not that I enter this kind of stuff...
In the event a winner from one of our promotions comes from Canada, a skills test must be successfully completed in order for the winner to claim the prize.
At first I thought it was cuz we didn't think Canadians were smart enough to win prizes or something. Dude, talk about being conceited, America. But then, after further research, I found this:
Under the Criminal Code, it is illegal to hold a lottery without a licence. Giving away a prize based on chance alone — a random draw, for instance — is considered a form of lottery. The contest industry invented the skill-testing question to get around that restriction. If a contest includes an element of skill, it is no longer considered purely a game of chance.
“It’s a loophole, basically, and to the best of my knowledge Canada is the only country that has that requirement,” said Toronto lawyer Brenda Pritchard, who is co-authoring a book called Advertising and Marketing Law in Canada that devotes an entire chapter to contests.
It's ok, the skills test is a simple math problem that only requires you to remember the order of operations.
2 * (18-4) + 4 = ?
Then again, that probably poses a big problem for a lot of people. Oh, well, more chances for me I guess. ...not that I enter this kind of stuff...
Monday, February 06, 2006
when life gives you lemons, throw them back
After a 4 week hiatus, I'm back to commuting on two wheels. I'm sure my mom is overjoyed.
Long story short: I gave my bike to a guy who fixed it when it wouldn't start. I wanted him to put new tires on it because mine are going bald. (Balding, as it is with humans, is not a Good Thing™ on motorcycle tires, or for the rider for that matter). Date: Jan 3, 2006.
after 1 month of phone calls, broken promises and frustration....
I finally get my bike back on Sun, Feb 5, 2006. Same old tires. New fork oil. A complete waste of my time. A month to change fork oil?!!! AND he has yet to give me back my money that I paid for the tires. Chalk this up to another life lesson. Too bad there's so many of them to learn.
Long story short: I gave my bike to a guy who fixed it when it wouldn't start. I wanted him to put new tires on it because mine are going bald. (Balding, as it is with humans, is not a Good Thing™ on motorcycle tires, or for the rider for that matter). Date: Jan 3, 2006.
after 1 month of phone calls, broken promises and frustration....
I finally get my bike back on Sun, Feb 5, 2006. Same old tires. New fork oil. A complete waste of my time. A month to change fork oil?!!! AND he has yet to give me back my money that I paid for the tires. Chalk this up to another life lesson. Too bad there's so many of them to learn.
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