job description

guy: "What kind of law do you want to do?"
me: "IP Litigation."
guy: "like ip address? 'Hey! That's _my_ ip address! Give it back!'"

That actually sounds more interesting than what I'll actually be doing.

finals

Yes, I'm going to LA for Christmas break. No, I'm not from there; I'm originally from Ohio. Yes, my family is still back in Ohio. That is correct. I won't be spending Christmas with my parents and younger sister.

I already saw them over Thanksgiving though. It's all good.

Yes, I'm in the middle of finals. That's why I'm blogging instead of studying.

wwe

Went to restaurant on Saturday. Appetizer was burned. Sent it back. Entree was burned. Sent it back. Waiter argued with us, but finally took it back. Finished dinner. Paid the bill. Sat at table talking.

After about five minutes, the waiter comes back and taps me on the shoulder. "Excuse me, sir, I don't mean to bother you ...." (points to the total bill) "it's supposed to be 15%...."

I look at him. Then back to the check. Then back at him. "Yeah, 15% pre-tax."

He looks at the bill, recalculates it in his head, then says "Don't worry about it."

I won't.

ru guo ni yo addictions . . .

Last week, a group from my church went to help out at a soup kitchen. Shortly after arriving, I was asked if I was bilingual. I foolishly replied, "Yes, in Mandarin." Turns out, since it's close to Chinatown, a lot of the people that come only understand their native language and they need to translate everything from English into Spanish, Cantonese, and Mandarin.

The last time I spoke Mandarin was when I lived in Taiwan, back in 2004. At first, I frantically tried to find someone to replace me, but finally someone from church convinced me my Mandarin was probably good enough. He even wrote a cheat sheet for me for some of the words that he knew would be brought up like "health care", "unemployment", "social security", and "food stamps".

We all had to stand on the stage and translate everything the pastor said. At first it was just simple instructions, like "Welcome, eat as much as you like, don't take any food home, Jesus loves you, etc." Then he started praying. And then gave a 5 minute sermon.

At the end he reminded people that we could help them if they had any problems and needed someone to talk to. Obviously I didn't know how to translate every word, so I ended up saying things like "ru guo ni yo addictions, ...". (if you have any addictions)

Someone later pointed out that I got all the easy words right and basically left out all the important words. If I were translating into English, it would be like "if you have any ______ we can help you. Or if you have any questions about ______, just come to the ______. If you can't speak English we will be offering English ______ at 10:30. Go to that door."

Moral of the story - find out what they need translated before admitting you know another language.

family tree

KL: "One of my ancestors was on the Mayflower. He fell off the ship."
me: "I believe it."
KL: "Another ancestor was the pilot of the Hydenberg."
me: "This is not helping you."

subtle hints

(day after daylight savings)

KL: "What time is it?"
YS: "It's late. You need to go to bed."
KL: "You're right. It's 10:15. But that's really 11:15 according to my biological clock."
me: "You mean your internal clock?"

what i learn in law school

 

The problem with being a superhero is there are always people trying to steal your arc reactor. I got stabbed. Or some wild party goers spilled red wine on me. Twice.

I'm impressed that I was able to get the stain out though. I googled it and found some site that said mix hydrogen peroxide with dish washing liquid. I did it twice and let it soak in the sink overnight.

 

Dude, how awesome is that? I know. I'm so domesticated. But Tony Stark has to win Pepper Potts somehow, right?

McGreed

(at McDonald's: as my order comes out at the register, the person next in line turns to talk to me)

Lady: "Excuse me, do you play the game on the cup?"
(thinking) I'm not giving you my pieces, lady! Get your own!
Me: (smile) "Yes."

it's a stereotype cuz it's true

The other night, I joined nobu and his friends at a bar for dinner. There was this Marlboro girl who was giving away free USB drives. All you had to do was let her scan your ID and answer a survey. When asked, she said it was 2GB.

Apparently I smoke non-menthol Camels, which I buy by the pack. Everyone at our table signed up and got a free flash drive. We were the only Asian table at the bar.

The lady must've remembered us, because later she brought another Marlboro guy who was doing the same thing. Being Asian, and seeing an opportunity, we all signed up. Again. And got another flash drive. Apparently he didn't care that we had already signed up. He even filled out the survey for us.

After getting home, I plugged the drive into my computer.......and it was only 512MB. Lies! All that for only 1GB.

At least I have 2 buy-one-get-one-free Marlboro coupons.

Model T's bachelor party

I've never been to a bachelor party. Where there was a dress code. And an 8 course meal. And I had to wait one hour for a train on the way home. In the freezing cold. Until now.

 

We met a nun.

 

We missed the train by literally 30 seconds. The next train came one hour later.

as long as they wear pjs

Is it weird to let someone you don't know use your sleeping bag? I've never heard of anyone with this issue, but apparently some people think it's weird.

fortune to follow

I'm famous!! And international.

http://lamomparis.blogspot.com/2008/10/merci-cherie-et-jeff.html

for ages 26 and up

My friend KL:

Yale graduate.
Current student at NYU Law.
As a kid, sent two requests everyday (the maximum allowed) for free McDonald's Monopoly pieces. And used to dig through the trash to find more. All because she "really" wanted to win the $1,000,000.

The other day, we went to McD's and discovered that Monopoly was once again upon us. KL wanted a game board. So she took one.



Notice the instructions in the upper left hand corner.



This is the end result after KL "opened" the board.

Voltron

The new Macbook has two graphic chips. That automatically combine when more power is needed. To fight evil.

All my childhood dreams are coming true! I'm gonna live to see Voltron!

what to write for minority scholarship essays

Why do I get mistaken for a delivery boy any time I'm carrying food? This city is so racist.

Although to be fair, a Chinese guy thought I was the delivery person too. Racist Asians.

Hello, Dave

Tonight was the first time someone has ever prayed for me. Using the wrong name.

lunch break

A few days ago, I went to lunch with my fellow interns. We went to a lively food court with multiple street vendors. After we ate, JH got up and said he was going to buy some dried fruit. The rest of us finished our lunch and sat there talking, waiting for him to get back.

30 minutes pass.

me: "Where's JH?"
JD: "I think he went to buy dried fruit. But that was awhile ago."
me: "Did he go back to work?"
JW: "He didn't say he was leaving..."
me: "Ok, I'll go look for him."

I walk over to the dried fruit stand. He's not there. But right behind the stand is an older man singing a foreign folk song and hawking CDs. Standing next to him is JH, playing a Peruvian instrument.

prizes for introverts

Last week at work, we had our monthly staff meeting. At the end of the meeting, they raffled off some prizes (presumably to reward us for coming) and I won a prize.

I am the proud owner of ONE free admission to Six Flags Hurricane Harbor.

I'm gonna have so much fun by myself.

reading suggestions

(talking to a friend about a guy she likes, and why she thinks he doesn't like her)

JC: Have you read that book?
me: What book?
JC: "He's Just Not That Into You."
me: No, I have definitely not read that book.

Jesus Freak

94 Accord. Prelude engine. Roll cage. Tinted windows. Lowered. No A/C. No power steering. Speedometer works. On occasion.

Jesus Freak. Saved.

props to AC.

$1 for 32oz of pure goodness

None of the McD's in LA have sweet tea. I want to go back to NY.

Haha, yeah right.

freedom

And just like that, I'm a 2L.

how you know you've been studying too hard for finals

Yesterday, we were making roasted red potatoes for dinner. I cut the potatoes, chopped the garlic, and put them in a big zip lock bag with olive oil, rosemary and salt and pepper. I proceed to shake the bag. Then, I turn the bag upside down. And grab the top of the bag (the part without the zip lock). And shake.

The bag rips open and everything falls into the sink.

My friend just looks at me. "Why would you do that?"

I have no response except to burst out laughing.

------------
Family Feud.

Name an early video game.
MK types in "shoot duck with gun game".

Errr. Wrong answer.

why video games are educational

"i finally got my girlfriend to sleep with me
took a while
didn't help that i pressed the wrong button
and hit her"

--SL on playing GTA IV

what i do instead of study

Finals have once again descended on the law school. You know what that means. That's right, a frantic search for any and every reason to procrastinate.

A few days ago, two of my friends "discovered" online Family Feud. Since one of those friends is, shall we say, OBSESSED with the show, she played through all the questions available through the web only version. You would not believe how sad and depressed this made her.

Fortunately, there is a version you can download for your computer, albeit only limited to 1 hour. After downloading and installing the game, more Feud madness ensued. The offline version was more faithful to the actual show, with two teams and buzzers. However, at the end of the time limit, sadness and depression visited us once again. Someone reassured her that I would find a full version online (see why my compsci degree is so useful in law school? I mean my MD employment?) and renewed hope that we would Feud once again.

This brings us to yesterday, when I finally installed the game on her computer.

MK: "Does this version have unlimited questions?"
me: "Unlimited? It doesn't have an infinite number of questions...."
MK: "But I mean, isn't there someone out there in Internet land who can make questions and shoot them to my computer?"
me: ".....you mean, updates?"
MK: "yeah, yeah, updates, that's what I meant."

Alas, no, the game can't receive updates. But it does have 2000 questions, which made her happy.

While playing last night:

"Name something people do to avoid getting sun burned at the beach."
MK types in "stay away from the sun".

Err. Not on the board.

Happy Black Day

accidental gift exchange

A lot of blog worthy stuff happened over Christmas break, but I've just been too busy/lazy to post them. This will be the first in a series.

Last time on Mozo...(pay careful attention to Accidental purchase #2)

For MJ's small group Christmas party, they had a white elephant gift exchange. Instead of buying gifts, however, everyone had to bring something they already owned. MJ decided to bring the DVD of Signs that she "accidentally" bought and didn't want. At the gift exchange, nobody knew who brought what. MJ ended up with a highly coveted gift and it got stolen, so she could either steal someone else's gift or pick an unopened one. Everyone tried to convince her to steal their gift, including the person who ended up with MJ's gift, the Signs DVD. MJ said, "No, I actually brought that DVD, so I don't want that." But as she glanced at the DVD, she noticed it said "The Village" on the cover instead of Signs. Realizing she wrapped the wrong DVD, she stole it back and ended up leaving the party with her own gift.

tell me how to get, how to get to law school

(watching Wheel of Fortune)

AO: "She has $4500. That's nothing. After taxes, that's only like $2000."
MK: "Yeah, that's nothing, might as well give it back."
KL: "My dad was on Wheel of Fortune. It was back when he was 21."
me: "What? Did he win?"
KL: "Yeah, he won $450 in cash, and valuable prizes."
AO: "So basically....nothing."

Bonus round:

_ _ _ _ E     _ N _     _ _ R _
Clue: People

MK: "Bernie and Ert!"

Student Body

I think only the people who have been through law school will fully appreciate this quote, but the rest of you can use your imagination.

"There's not a lot of visual stimulation in law school."
--my Property professor, right before he shows a video in class

would you like red wine with that?

For Super Tuesday, I organized an election result viewing party for APALSA. It was a joint event between APALSA (Asian), BALSA (Black), and SALSA (South Asian). SALSA said they would bring wine since they didn't have money to contribute towards food. BALSA said they would order pizza and we said we'd split the cost with them. I arrive 30 min early to help set up and the BALSA guy runs in, says, "We don't have enough money for Thai food; I'm going to McDonald's" and runs back out.

20 min later he arrives with 30 cheeseburgers, 30 wraps, and 15 apple pies. This is the first time I've had McDonald's with red wine.

Such is the law student's life: an impoverished student life existing hand-in-hand with the fanciest things in life.