what I learned in law school

I've been here for about a month and a half and this is what I've learned so far:

1) The red hand doesn't mean don't walk, it just means you have to dodge cars as you cross the street. It's like a difficulty setting on a video game. Hard or normal? Up to you.

2) When you checkout, sometimes a store will ask you if you want a bag or a handle. Always choose handle. If they have to ask, whatever you bought is too big to carry in a bag.

3) Downtown is not a location, it's a direction.

I've learned all these extremely valuable life lessons not from law school, but from the precious few hours I have to leave the law school. Which brings me to my last lesson.

4) Make it up. Get called on in class and didn't do the reading? Make up an answer. Get called on and did the reading but still don't know the answer? Make something up. Need to argue a point that you don't actually believe in? Who cares, just make something up. The profs have on more than one occasion told us they know we don't know the answer, they just want us to make it up as we go along.

I know you don't believe me. I bet you think I'm exaggerating. But it's true. Law school doesn't teach you about right or wrong. Law has nothing to do with right or wrong (shocking, I know). It's all about being able to persuade everyone else to believe you. In every single case we read about, it could go either way. It just depends on who the judges think are more persuasive, or which Supreme Court justice was able to persuade more of his peers to vote his/her way.

Seeing as how I'm a truth over happiness kind of guy and law school has nothing to do with truth, but a lot to do with happiness, I'm not sure how long I'll last.