Run 5K for Haiti

Here is the promised post on the 5K. I will spare you the boring details (as I always do) and jump straight to the good part.

Since I'm in awesome shape, running the 5K was really easy. In fact, I felt like I could outrun a car. I was pacing myself so I would have enough energy at the end, but since it wasn't really a 5K (our team all finished about 4 min early and DS's iPod said it was only 2.6 miles instead of 3.1) I started sprinting at the end.


As soon as I reached the finish line, I could feel myself reaching 88 mph. You know what that means...

After we caught our breath, we realized we had gone BACK IN TIME.


As we looked around, one of the people in the past tried to get me to dance with her. At first, I was inclined to join since I love to dance. But then I saw through the trickery and realized if I did, I would be trapped in the past forever. So, instead, I tricked her by claiming I was a bad dancer. I thought it was a long shot since anyone who meets me can immediately tell I am a dancing machine.


Surprisingly, she bought the ruse. I guess my powers of persuasion have increased since coming to law school.

After that, we had to find an old nuclear warhead (named Jughead) and detonate it so we could warp BACK TO THE FUTURE.

Thanks for all the support and the donations!

There will be a bonus post to this showing one of our crew that got left behind because she decided to dance with the men-with-disco-ball-heads.
Updated:

To SWA: See? I don't hate dogs.

Since I live in the dorms, we're not allowed to have pets. This, however, has not stopped one of my friends. JW (a friend, not me. Really.) has been keeping a dog in her apartment since 2L year. Since periodically the staff have to come in and clean the windows/clean the carpet/replace filters, JW has to find somewhere to hide the dog on occasion. So this time, she asked me to dog-watch. Since I am a cat person, I said no. But Waffles (the dog) is really cute, so I changed my mind. All I would have to do is watch him for a few hours while JW is in class and the staff people clean her windows. EASY.


JW drops Waffles off in my room and leaves some toys for Waffles to play with. I watch him while I am reading for class. This all goes according to plan for the first hour. Read. Watch Waffles. Throw ball and train Waffles to bring it back to me. Go back to reading.

Suddenly, Waffles starts barking. I think maybe JW is approaching the door because whenever someone walks by, Waffles runs over to the door and stares at it. Suddenly, I hear a knock. Can she be back already? I look through the peep hole and see a stranger. Uh oh. I open the door a crack to see who it is. The guy is another student who lives down the hall and heard the barking as he was walking past.

stranger: "Do you have a dog in there?"
me: "Uh yeah. It's not mine though, I'm just watching it for a friend."
stranger: "I had to leave mine back in Oregon. How do you sneak it out to go to the bathroom?"
me: "Oh, well my friend just lays down these pads and the dog does his stuff on them."

As I am having this conversation, Waffles zooms out through the crack and takes off down the hall. I glance down to see what is happening and lunge forward to try to catch him before he makes his escape to freedom. I proceed to headbutt the stranger in the chin as I try to catch Waffles. The stranger steps back with a groan and I mutter an apology as I run by him and chase Waffles. After making sure he's ok, I proceed to chase Waffles.

Waffles is small. And fast. And likes freedom. I can't catch him. We end up having to surround him, me and the stranger. I scoop up Waffles and take him back into my room.

This is definitely the first time I've headbutted a complete stranger within the first minute of meeting him.

story of my life

(talking to my cousin's daughter about weather in LA vs weather in NY)

her: what's the temperature in NY?
me: 60. how hot is it over there?
her: 77.
me: WHAT? LUCKY!
her: you're just unlucky.

so true.

worst elevator ride ever

*ding*

The doors open to the slowest elevator imaginable. We step inside along with a few other people. After a few seconds, the doors still haven't closed. I reach for the "close door" button and hit it. *rrrring*

Oops. There is no close door button, and I've just hit the alarm button. The doors close and the elevator begins to ascend.

After a few seconds, I hear a barely audible voice saying something. I strain my ears and look up at the ceiling where it sounds like it's coming from. "Are you ok? Are you ok?" I realize it's the security person responding to the alarm being hit. "We're fine!" I yell. Since nobody else seemed to have heard the voice, my spontaneous outburst catches everyone by surprise.

*ding* The doors open onto our floor and I quickly step out to avoid any further embarrassment.

a superhero's job is never done

I was sitting in my office diligently working, when suddenly, TS, whose office is next to mine, walks in hysterical. She just broke the vending machine, she said. She wanted to buy a bag of chips, but when she punched in the code, the bag got stuck. So she tried to buy the same thing again, as any normal person would.

The second bag got stuck too.

So she tried to buy it a third time. Finally, all three bags fell to the bottom. But since they were stacked on top of each other, they were blocking the door and she couldn't reach in to get them.

After calming her down and giving her a box of tissues to wipe away her torrent of tears, I went to vending machine and got them out. Since the vending machine doesn't charge you unless the bag hits the bottom, she only had to pay for one and got three. She gave the other two to me.

Needless to say, I happily accepted the payment for my services.

ingenies

Last night my firm participated and sponsored a Lawyers for Literacy event. It was a spelling bee to raise money to help kids learn how to read. Our firm had 3 summer associates on our team. I was speller 3. All the 1's for all the teams go, then the 2's, then the 3's.

During round 1.

Host: "lexical."
DK, our speller 1: "l-e-x-y-c-l-e."
Eliminated.

During round 2.

Host: "inoculate."
TS, our speller 2: "i-n-n-o-c-u-l-a-t-e."
Eliminated.

It's all down to me. I noticed the trend of easy words at the beginning of each round, so I sat second. The first girl went up and the word was "ingenious." She spelled it, "i-n-g-e-n-i-u-s." I was thinking, yup, that's correct. Wrong, she got eliminated. I was so puzzled because I couldn't think of any other way to spell it. It was my turn.

Host: "ingenious."
me: "Can I have the definition?"
Host: some random words because I wasn't paying attention.
me: "i-n-g-e-n-i....."
(long pause. I knew "u-s" was wrong because that's how the girl spelled it. But that's the only way I could think of to spell it.)
me: "e-s."
Eliminated.

Our whole team got eliminated in our first rounds. And we were the biggest sponsor of the event. Awesome.

Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too

Blogging is hard work. I often think of stuff to post and then write a quick draft but never get around to actually publishing it. I probably have 20 or so posts that will always be in "draft" form and never get published.

Here's something I found in the Mozo archives. Back in 2004, I went to visit AWA and SWA in New Mexico. On the way back, I saw these signs that said "Do not pick up hitchhikers in this area. Prison facility." Grrrrrreat.

In other news, I'm going to be in a speeling bee on Wednesday. It'll be the furst tim sinse forth graid. Hupe I winn.

if it was roach powered, everyone would buy it

This is what I want for my birthday. And Christmas. And July 4.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17372-gallery-domestic-robots-with-a-taste-for-flesh.html

Top Pot

I just went to 5 different Starbucks in a 2 block radius to look for donuts. If they're not preparing to take over the world, I dunno what they're doing. Just, please enlighten us on their plans after world domination.

Cylon Number Six

Previously, on our show:

#1,2,3 - debunked
#4 - debunked
return to #3 - debunked
#5 - debunked

Will there ever be a contestant that wins the look-a-like contest? Is this whole contest a scam? Will there ever be an end to people that want to look like me? What is the prize anyway? All this and more probably won't be revealed today.

In today's episode, we are going where we have never gone before. To the realm of animation. And outer space. And Disney.

Enough chit-chat. Let's cut to the chase. I submit for your perusal the following Exhibits:

  

Ok, where do I even begin?

1. Stitch is blue.
   
2. He's wearing a Santa hat. In APRIL. C'mon. Everyone knows I only bust out my Santa hat between Dec 1 and Dec 25. One of many codes I strictly adhere to.
   
3. He only has like 20 teeth. I have way more than that.
   
4. He has like 60 arms.
   
5. He KNOWS HOW TO FLY SPACESHIPS. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, I do not know how, nor have I ever flown a spaceship. That's probably the next thing I'll go to school for.

This has once again been debunked. Plus, he just looks inebriated.

Credit goes to JJ for finding the pic of Stitch.

Hmm. Didn't realize RSS doesn't work when you restrict access until people told me. And Google Reader doesn't support private feeds at the moment. Reverting to public for now.

Study Day 2

A noise wakes me from my slumber. I briefly try to recall what it could be before my brain recognizes the familiar sound of my phone vibrating. It's my alarm. Why did I set it so early? Oh, I'm supposed to wake up and study. And go get a room before all the randoms take them. I debate whether I should go back to bed and put off studying til yet another time, or day, or week. It's Thursday. I only have 7 days until my first of two back-to-back exams. And I'm not ready. I decide to go back to bed.

And then I remember the FREE donuts. I jump out of bed and into the shower. While showering, I notice my nose is starting to run. Just barely. Swine Flu. Grrrrrrrreat. I decide I need more rest and more fluids. After getting dressed and throwing my study materials into my bag, I grab the half finished McD sweet tea sitting on my table and take a sip. Ahh. Energy. I walk outside and across the street to one of two law buildings. I quickly run down the list of floors I want to check and sort them in order of desirability. It's 8:30am, I think. They can't ALL be taken. After I get the FREE donuts, I remind myself.

I look into the Wachtell Lounge and see no sign of said FREE donuts. But I do see someone from my class looking at me through the window. I open the door and step inside, scanning the room for any evidence of donuts. Where are they? I briefly look at my friend and nod. He is about to look away, but at my sign of recognition turns back with a blank stare. That's when I get a good look at him. And realize......it isn't who I think it is. We both quickly break eye contact.

That's the problem with law school. As if there was only one. Finals has descended once again and that implies a number of things.

1) everyone is trying to learn what they should have been learning all semester in a matter of days.
2) people look even more disheveled than usual. probably because they slept in a classroom.
3) nobody has enough rest.
4) in my weakened, hungry, tired state, I can't recognize my friends.

After finding an open room, I set my stuff down, open my laptop and do a search. "donuts". They don't start until Friday.

Boo.

going dark

I have recently discovered exactly how little effort is required to find this blog. And that disturbs me. I want to feel free to bash on my future bosses, old bosses, ex-girlfriends, current girlfriends, stalkers, and pastors with impunity. I don't want them finding it. Therefore, later today, I will be making it private and denying all this blogging goodness to the public. If you are a regular commenter, or I am aware you read this blog, or I want desperately for you to start, I will add you to the list. Otherwise, just send me a message and I'll decide how much of a frenemy you really are.

That is all.

1 page summary i wrote for my friend who didn't want to read

Roe v Wade

Roe said to Wade, “yo, you look purty.” Wade said, “thanks.”
They hooked up.
Wade got preggers. Uh oh.
Wade goes to Roe and is like “dude, you a baby daddy.”
Roe says, “no way.”
Wade is sad. She cries.
Wade decides to get abortion.
Roe has epiphany and realizes if he has kid, instant multiplayer on 360 whenever he wants! Roooooooock baaaaaaaand.
Roe goes to tell Wade not to get abortion. Wade says, “too bad, yo. It’s my body and I’ll cry if I want to. And get an abortion too.”
Roe says, “no, I’ll sue you.”
Judge says “ok, you can get abortion. You a woman. Stop crying, I can’t take it.”

THE END

30 Rock

As we were walking back from the gym a few days ago, my friend hits me and tells me to back up. We go back to the store we just passed and peer inside. Alec Baldwin is standing in line to buy some stationary. He notices the two Asian guys staring through the doorway. My friend waves and he nods at us.

why God why?

The other day I was walking in the subway station and as I approached the platform, I noticed a woman crouching next to one of the pillars. Then I looked and noticed she didn't have pants on. And then I noticed the expanding pool of liquid next to her feet.

circle

Arrived late to a club where my friends were already inside. There is a long line outside of people trying to get in, but there is a separate line for girls. SL suggests I try to get in with 3 girls who just got in line. I ask them if they mind if I walk in with them and they hesitate, but say ok. After checking our coats, I offer to buy them drinks and they accept. While chatting, one of the girls offers me some mints, which I proceed to KNOCK ALL OVER THE FLOOR as I try to get one. She laughs and says it's ok because they were free. I think she was just trying to make me feel better.

we're getting closer...

After an extended hiatus, we return to our regularly scheduled lookalike update. I think we are up to #5. If you missed our previous coverage, be sure to catch up. #1,2,3, #4, and return to #3.

As always, I will be presenting evidence in the fairest possible manner so that you, dear reader, can come to your own conclusions.

This time we have a candidate who is on MTV's Bromance. Chris F.



At this point, I feel I must warn the readership against making any premature judgments. After being confronted with his good looks, I was also tempted to jump to the conclusion that this indeed _IS_ a Jeff lookalike. However, we must be vigilant. We cannot be swayed by his stunning handsomeness. We must keep this as unbiased as possible in order to uncover the truth.

Now, I present the control picture by which we must compare to.



As you can see, his skin tone is the exact tone and hue as my own. However, the similarities seem to stop there. Try as I might, I was not able to see in this picture one that resembled Chris'. It's just not there, folks. Some people may attempt to sway your opinion by pointing out various factors such as the luscious hair, the smoldering eyes or the broad shoulders. But trust me, I was there. If it doesn't fit, it just doesn't fit. After viewing both pictures side-by-side, I think it's safe to say the pictures are not even close. One even looks like it was doctored. Please, to whoever submitted this, at least put in a little effort, okay?

As before, this Jeff lookalike has been debunked.

grades

(while watching the Steelers/Ravens games, we see a fan holding something in the stands)



EL: "What's D plus plus plus plus?"

job description

guy: "What kind of law do you want to do?"
me: "IP Litigation."
guy: "like ip address? 'Hey! That's _my_ ip address! Give it back!'"

That actually sounds more interesting than what I'll actually be doing.