Cylon Number Six

Previously, on our show:

#1,2,3 - debunked
#4 - debunked
return to #3 - debunked
#5 - debunked

Will there ever be a contestant that wins the look-a-like contest? Is this whole contest a scam? Will there ever be an end to people that want to look like me? What is the prize anyway? All this and more probably won't be revealed today.

In today's episode, we are going where we have never gone before. To the realm of animation. And outer space. And Disney.

Enough chit-chat. Let's cut to the chase. I submit for your perusal the following Exhibits:

  

Ok, where do I even begin?

1. Stitch is blue.
   
2. He's wearing a Santa hat. In APRIL. C'mon. Everyone knows I only bust out my Santa hat between Dec 1 and Dec 25. One of many codes I strictly adhere to.
   
3. He only has like 20 teeth. I have way more than that.
   
4. He has like 60 arms.
   
5. He KNOWS HOW TO FLY SPACESHIPS. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, I do not know how, nor have I ever flown a spaceship. That's probably the next thing I'll go to school for.

This has once again been debunked. Plus, he just looks inebriated.

Credit goes to JJ for finding the pic of Stitch.

Hmm. Didn't realize RSS doesn't work when you restrict access until people told me. And Google Reader doesn't support private feeds at the moment. Reverting to public for now.

Study Day 2

A noise wakes me from my slumber. I briefly try to recall what it could be before my brain recognizes the familiar sound of my phone vibrating. It's my alarm. Why did I set it so early? Oh, I'm supposed to wake up and study. And go get a room before all the randoms take them. I debate whether I should go back to bed and put off studying til yet another time, or day, or week. It's Thursday. I only have 7 days until my first of two back-to-back exams. And I'm not ready. I decide to go back to bed.

And then I remember the FREE donuts. I jump out of bed and into the shower. While showering, I notice my nose is starting to run. Just barely. Swine Flu. Grrrrrrrreat. I decide I need more rest and more fluids. After getting dressed and throwing my study materials into my bag, I grab the half finished McD sweet tea sitting on my table and take a sip. Ahh. Energy. I walk outside and across the street to one of two law buildings. I quickly run down the list of floors I want to check and sort them in order of desirability. It's 8:30am, I think. They can't ALL be taken. After I get the FREE donuts, I remind myself.

I look into the Wachtell Lounge and see no sign of said FREE donuts. But I do see someone from my class looking at me through the window. I open the door and step inside, scanning the room for any evidence of donuts. Where are they? I briefly look at my friend and nod. He is about to look away, but at my sign of recognition turns back with a blank stare. That's when I get a good look at him. And realize......it isn't who I think it is. We both quickly break eye contact.

That's the problem with law school. As if there was only one. Finals has descended once again and that implies a number of things.

1) everyone is trying to learn what they should have been learning all semester in a matter of days.
2) people look even more disheveled than usual. probably because they slept in a classroom.
3) nobody has enough rest.
4) in my weakened, hungry, tired state, I can't recognize my friends.

After finding an open room, I set my stuff down, open my laptop and do a search. "donuts". They don't start until Friday.

Boo.

going dark

I have recently discovered exactly how little effort is required to find this blog. And that disturbs me. I want to feel free to bash on my future bosses, old bosses, ex-girlfriends, current girlfriends, stalkers, and pastors with impunity. I don't want them finding it. Therefore, later today, I will be making it private and denying all this blogging goodness to the public. If you are a regular commenter, or I am aware you read this blog, or I want desperately for you to start, I will add you to the list. Otherwise, just send me a message and I'll decide how much of a frenemy you really are.

That is all.

1 page summary i wrote for my friend who didn't want to read

Roe v Wade

Roe said to Wade, “yo, you look purty.” Wade said, “thanks.”
They hooked up.
Wade got preggers. Uh oh.
Wade goes to Roe and is like “dude, you a baby daddy.”
Roe says, “no way.”
Wade is sad. She cries.
Wade decides to get abortion.
Roe has epiphany and realizes if he has kid, instant multiplayer on 360 whenever he wants! Roooooooock baaaaaaaand.
Roe goes to tell Wade not to get abortion. Wade says, “too bad, yo. It’s my body and I’ll cry if I want to. And get an abortion too.”
Roe says, “no, I’ll sue you.”
Judge says “ok, you can get abortion. You a woman. Stop crying, I can’t take it.”

THE END

30 Rock

As we were walking back from the gym a few days ago, my friend hits me and tells me to back up. We go back to the store we just passed and peer inside. Alec Baldwin is standing in line to buy some stationary. He notices the two Asian guys staring through the doorway. My friend waves and he nods at us.

why God why?

The other day I was walking in the subway station and as I approached the platform, I noticed a woman crouching next to one of the pillars. Then I looked and noticed she didn't have pants on. And then I noticed the expanding pool of liquid next to her feet.

circle

Arrived late to a club where my friends were already inside. There is a long line outside of people trying to get in, but there is a separate line for girls. SL suggests I try to get in with 3 girls who just got in line. I ask them if they mind if I walk in with them and they hesitate, but say ok. After checking our coats, I offer to buy them drinks and they accept. While chatting, one of the girls offers me some mints, which I proceed to KNOCK ALL OVER THE FLOOR as I try to get one. She laughs and says it's ok because they were free. I think she was just trying to make me feel better.

we're getting closer...

After an extended hiatus, we return to our regularly scheduled lookalike update. I think we are up to #5. If you missed our previous coverage, be sure to catch up. #1,2,3, #4, and return to #3.

As always, I will be presenting evidence in the fairest possible manner so that you, dear reader, can come to your own conclusions.

This time we have a candidate who is on MTV's Bromance. Chris F.



At this point, I feel I must warn the readership against making any premature judgments. After being confronted with his good looks, I was also tempted to jump to the conclusion that this indeed _IS_ a Jeff lookalike. However, we must be vigilant. We cannot be swayed by his stunning handsomeness. We must keep this as unbiased as possible in order to uncover the truth.

Now, I present the control picture by which we must compare to.



As you can see, his skin tone is the exact tone and hue as my own. However, the similarities seem to stop there. Try as I might, I was not able to see in this picture one that resembled Chris'. It's just not there, folks. Some people may attempt to sway your opinion by pointing out various factors such as the luscious hair, the smoldering eyes or the broad shoulders. But trust me, I was there. If it doesn't fit, it just doesn't fit. After viewing both pictures side-by-side, I think it's safe to say the pictures are not even close. One even looks like it was doctored. Please, to whoever submitted this, at least put in a little effort, okay?

As before, this Jeff lookalike has been debunked.

grades

(while watching the Steelers/Ravens games, we see a fan holding something in the stands)



EL: "What's D plus plus plus plus?"

job description

guy: "What kind of law do you want to do?"
me: "IP Litigation."
guy: "like ip address? 'Hey! That's _my_ ip address! Give it back!'"

That actually sounds more interesting than what I'll actually be doing.

finals

Yes, I'm going to LA for Christmas break. No, I'm not from there; I'm originally from Ohio. Yes, my family is still back in Ohio. That is correct. I won't be spending Christmas with my parents and younger sister.

I already saw them over Thanksgiving though. It's all good.

Yes, I'm in the middle of finals. That's why I'm blogging instead of studying.

wwe

Went to restaurant on Saturday. Appetizer was burned. Sent it back. Entree was burned. Sent it back. Waiter argued with us, but finally took it back. Finished dinner. Paid the bill. Sat at table talking.

After about five minutes, the waiter comes back and taps me on the shoulder. "Excuse me, sir, I don't mean to bother you ...." (points to the total bill) "it's supposed to be 15%...."

I look at him. Then back to the check. Then back at him. "Yeah, 15% pre-tax."

He looks at the bill, recalculates it in his head, then says "Don't worry about it."

I won't.

ru guo ni yo addictions . . .

Last week, a group from my church went to help out at a soup kitchen. Shortly after arriving, I was asked if I was bilingual. I foolishly replied, "Yes, in Mandarin." Turns out, since it's close to Chinatown, a lot of the people that come only understand their native language and they need to translate everything from English into Spanish, Cantonese, and Mandarin.

The last time I spoke Mandarin was when I lived in Taiwan, back in 2004. At first, I frantically tried to find someone to replace me, but finally someone from church convinced me my Mandarin was probably good enough. He even wrote a cheat sheet for me for some of the words that he knew would be brought up like "health care", "unemployment", "social security", and "food stamps".

We all had to stand on the stage and translate everything the pastor said. At first it was just simple instructions, like "Welcome, eat as much as you like, don't take any food home, Jesus loves you, etc." Then he started praying. And then gave a 5 minute sermon.

At the end he reminded people that we could help them if they had any problems and needed someone to talk to. Obviously I didn't know how to translate every word, so I ended up saying things like "ru guo ni yo addictions, ...". (if you have any addictions)

Someone later pointed out that I got all the easy words right and basically left out all the important words. If I were translating into English, it would be like "if you have any ______ we can help you. Or if you have any questions about ______, just come to the ______. If you can't speak English we will be offering English ______ at 10:30. Go to that door."

Moral of the story - find out what they need translated before admitting you know another language.

family tree

KL: "One of my ancestors was on the Mayflower. He fell off the ship."
me: "I believe it."
KL: "Another ancestor was the pilot of the Hydenberg."
me: "This is not helping you."

subtle hints

(day after daylight savings)

KL: "What time is it?"
YS: "It's late. You need to go to bed."
KL: "You're right. It's 10:15. But that's really 11:15 according to my biological clock."
me: "You mean your internal clock?"

what i learn in law school

 

The problem with being a superhero is there are always people trying to steal your arc reactor. I got stabbed. Or some wild party goers spilled red wine on me. Twice.

I'm impressed that I was able to get the stain out though. I googled it and found some site that said mix hydrogen peroxide with dish washing liquid. I did it twice and let it soak in the sink overnight.

 

Dude, how awesome is that? I know. I'm so domesticated. But Tony Stark has to win Pepper Potts somehow, right?

McGreed

(at McDonald's: as my order comes out at the register, the person next in line turns to talk to me)

Lady: "Excuse me, do you play the game on the cup?"
(thinking) I'm not giving you my pieces, lady! Get your own!
Me: (smile) "Yes."

it's a stereotype cuz it's true

The other night, I joined nobu and his friends at a bar for dinner. There was this Marlboro girl who was giving away free USB drives. All you had to do was let her scan your ID and answer a survey. When asked, she said it was 2GB.

Apparently I smoke non-menthol Camels, which I buy by the pack. Everyone at our table signed up and got a free flash drive. We were the only Asian table at the bar.

The lady must've remembered us, because later she brought another Marlboro guy who was doing the same thing. Being Asian, and seeing an opportunity, we all signed up. Again. And got another flash drive. Apparently he didn't care that we had already signed up. He even filled out the survey for us.

After getting home, I plugged the drive into my computer.......and it was only 512MB. Lies! All that for only 1GB.

At least I have 2 buy-one-get-one-free Marlboro coupons.

Model T's bachelor party

I've never been to a bachelor party. Where there was a dress code. And an 8 course meal. And I had to wait one hour for a train on the way home. In the freezing cold. Until now.

 

We met a nun.

 

We missed the train by literally 30 seconds. The next train came one hour later.