don't touch my genes

A lot of people over the years have commented on my aversion to physical touch. Some have postulated that when you poke me, I shirk away because I'm ticklish. Others think I wasn't hugged enough as a kid. Many just find it strange.

In my tireless searching to this oft asked question, I have stumbled across an answer.

Chinese fail to embrace free hugs from strangers

See? It's not just me, it's genetic. My people just don't like to be touched.

If you don't know what the article is talking about, watch this video.

schwag

[14:51] me: you know where i went?
[14:52] me: we got im
[14:52] MJ: free pretzel day?
[14:52] me: "free stuff at artistdirect. shoes, dolls and other stuff"
[14:52] me: so we all went over to other side of office
[14:52] me: they had buncha stuff from warehouse in florida that doesn't sell anymore
[14:52] MJ: what'd u get?
[14:53] me: i got king arthur doll
[14:53] MJ: why??
[14:55] MJ: what are you gonna do with it
[14:56] me: hold on
[14:56] me: gotta get grim reaper doll
[14:56] MJ: oh geez
[15:03] me: i got an albatross too

I uploaded a bunch of albums that I've been hoarding.

I had glasses that covered half my face

Everyone is either cool cool, nerdy cool, dorky cool, nerdy nerdy or dorky dorky. Don't blame me, I just found this out myself, recently. If you are nerdy cool, at heart you are a nerd, but you are a cool nerd. If you have no coolness, you are just nerdy nerdy. Get it? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, apparently, I'm dorky cool.

I object, your honor! (see? I'm good at this. Are you law school application people reading this?). Dorky cool?!!! I'm not cool at all.

Since this blog is all about exposing the truth (see Truth 1 and Truth 2) I'd like to take this moment to clear up this gross misunderstanding.

First of all, I'm a Comp Sci major. COMP SCI. Not only did I feel the need to be a Comp Sci major, but to kill any lingering coolness germs (sometimes it's hard to wash off) I went and got a graduate degree in Comp Sci. Still not satisfied, I went ahead and got a Software Development job. How does that make me cool? It doesn't.

I like video games. And sci-fi movies/tv shows/toys. I read books (usually sci-fi books). I watch Anime. And love it. I have no sense of style, and at the moment, no desire to go out and obtain one (to the chagrin of my cousin EL who is forced to give me awesome haircuts that I'm not able to make look good). I do Sudoku. I play logic games with my family. I play card games, and buy games like Bang! and Settlers of Catan. I like chess (even though I suck). I want to become better at chess.

Some of you right now are trying frantically to think of reasons why I'm still cool. (thanks for the effort, Mom, but it's futile). Face it, you guys are either related to or friends with a nerdy dorky guy. (Or you're stalking me, which will probably stop after this post)

"What about your motorcycle?" you may ask. "You're (marginally) good at (some) sports!" you may cry.

Look, people. I originally was going to get a scooter before I was convinced otherwise (by some cool cool people). The only reason I even ride a motorcycle is because it's fun and it saves me time. If the only way for me to get through traffic in LA was to wear motorized roller skates, I would do it (as long as it was fun). I didn't get a motorcycle for the cool factor. I got it for practicality.

And I'm not good at sports. For some reason, I just have a high metabolism, which makes me skinny and able to sprint. That's it. I don't train. I don't work out. Without my metabolism, I'd be 50 lb. heavier. And not able to move as easily.

So in reality, all this talk about me having any semblance of 'coolness' is just hogwash. I'm a nerdy dorky guy with a high metabolism.

Ask my college roommates. They'll tell you. (You can also ask my brother or my sisters, but they're biased. Against me. So it's more believable coming from neutral third parties.)

(I'm not saying people who do the things I do or like the things I like are not cool. I'm just saying I'm not cool. There are tons of people with similarities to me that can pull off being cool. I'm not one of them.)

i look like i'm 14

(Lady at Vodka and Monster display table at Ralphs)

lady: (hands me a coupon) "We're having a sale. (suspicious look on her face) Are you over 21?"
me: "Yes."
lady: "I thought so."

Yeah right. If you thought so, why did you ask me?

accidental purchases

An objective look at one person's difficulty in using ebay.

MJ claims ebay is hard to use. MJ claims she buys stuff on ebay "by accident". Is it really "by accident"? Is ebay really difficult to navigate? Or is it simple human error? This post aims to conclusively answer that.

We have three seperate instances of MJ having difficulty using ebay and thus making "accidental" purchases. We will present each case and make an analysis. Remember, we will do this as objectively as possible.

Accidental purchase #1:

This occurs when MJ was in law school. She hadn't used her ebay account in a couple of years, so she wanted to see if it still worked. Normal users would just log into their account, see that it was still active, and be done with it. But MJ is not a normal user. Her (then) apartment needed a big mirror (think one big enough to hang over a mantle), so she decided to bid on two mirrors randomly for $1 each, thinking she would be outbid. To her horror, she won them BOTH. Each one is about the size of a dinner plate. She says they were both described as "big" so she thought they would be big.

Analysis: Why would MJ bid on something to make sure her account worked? By logging in and seeing her account was still active, she should have concluded that her account did not get disabled. Even if she did bid on something, why would she bid on something hoping she would lose? And why would she bid on 2?

Conclusion: Human error 1, accidental purchase 0.

Accidental purchase #2:

This occured about a year ago when MJ wanted to buy The Village. She insists it is a good movie (although everyone else knows the truth) and wanted to force people to watch it. So she decided to buy the DVD off ebay. With 8 minutes remaining in the auction, she discovered that she had bid on the movie Signs instead. Because of this "accidental" purchase, she went back to ebay and bought The Village, the actual movie she wanted.

Analysis: An accident is when you knock over a cup of water that you didn't know was there. An accident is not when you walk into a car dealership and buy a car when what you really wanted was a bike.

Conclusion: Human error 2, accidental purchase 0.

Accidental purchase #3:

This final instance happened a few days ago. MJ loves trivia and wanted to purchase genus 1-6 of Trivial Pursuit. Somehow, she "accidentally" bid on two different auctions of genus 2. Not wanting to buy two copies of the same game, she was distraught. But fortunately, she got outbid on one of them. A few days later, she was checking the status of her auctions and MyEbay said some of her auctions were ending. When she checked the auctions, she found out that she was outbid on an auction for genus 2. Thinking it was the auction that she wanted to win, she rebid. Then she discovered that auction was the original one she was outbid on. So she was now winning two auctions of genus 2 again.

mj: ebay is very tricky
mj: i think it merits a class action lawsuit
mj: when i went to it, it said 2 items i bid on were ending soon
mj: so naturally i think it's the 2 items i was winning yest
mj: but nooo! one of them is the one i was outbid on!
mj: so i rebid on it tho i didn't want to!

Analysis: When you do something of your own free will, something that you don't want to do, something that nobody is forcing you to do, it is definitely ebay's fault. Riiiiight.

Conclusion: Human error 3, accidental purchase 0.

In summary, when you bid on something expecting to be outbid, and then you aren't, it's not an accidental purchase. That's like saying you go to the supermarket, put a box of cereal in your cart and goto the checkout expecting it to fall out before you get there. And then when you get there you are surprised you are buying a box of cereal.

Also, if you goto the cereal aisle wanting to buy Frosted Flakes, but instead grab Special K, you should not be surprised that you bought the wrong cereal. Read the description of what you are buying.

And lastly, if you put two boxes of cereal in your cart when you only want one, are pleasantly surprised when one of them does indeed fall out, do NOT pick it up off the floor and put it back in your cart. If you do, you will be buying two boxes, which is what you were trying to avoid in the first place.

I hope this post is helpful to all of you in your future bids on ebay. Or in the supermarket.

you know your family is awesome when . . .

The best part about being Taiwanese (the astute readers among you will note that there really isn't only one best part to being Taiwanese as every part is equal; they are all awesome) is when you go visit relatives and they feel the need to give you food.

Tonight, I dropped off some CDs for my Aunt and Uncle. I thought it would be a quick drop-off-and-leave ordeal, but I should have known better. As soon as they opened the door, they presented me with a brown bag which contained moon cake and guava inside. The only problem was I rode my motorcycle and didn't bring any sort of backpack with me. And my spacious trunk was already full. What to do? What to do? (This was what my Aunt asked my Uncle)

Fortunately, I come from a very intelligent family and my uncle came up with a solution. After first suggesting I hang a plastic bag around my neck, he thought up the ingenious idea of looping my belt through the handles of the plastic bag. He insisted that I try it. He even followed me outside to my motorcycle to ensure that it would work.

He even had the foresight to ask me if I was going straight home. After I replied I was meeting a friend, he reminded me to take off the bag from my belt before I went into my friend's house.

Of course, during this entire time, my Aunt and Uncle were laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

What a great family.

smash your thumb with a celebrity

Last Saturday, I volunteered for Habitat for Humanity. I took away two things, which I will show pictorially below.


Who is that standing in front of me? Yes, that is correct. Only the most famous actress in the news these days, Ashley Johnson AKA Chrissy Seaver from Growing Pains. She was working right next to us on the house! I almost got to stand next to her, but there was this really rude girl (wearing the Yale hat) that elbowed her way to the front to claim the spot. I think she thinks she's better than everyone else just because she went to Yale, but I'm not sure.


This is what happens when you smash your thumb with a hammer. Now that you know, you can all stop experimenting.

can't we all just get along?

Some competing hacker in HK somehow used my paypal account and charged $1100 to my credit card.

Ok, what is wrong with this situation?

We're both Asian, man! We're both computer geeks! We're both poor!

Go steal someone else's identity please.

This is why there's no unity in the world.

(This post would not make a good ad for a wife.)

parent on IM

Friday, September 22, 2006. Today marks another historic occasion.

I present to you excerpts from my first IM session EVER with my mom.

mom: How do you know I am at computer?
me: God told me
...
mom: ... are you preparing to apply Law School now? ...
...
me: i haven't contacted phylis yet
me: i'll email yer
mom: This chatting is FUN; how do you know i am on, really?
what's "yer"
...
mom: oh, did [she] really told you that? she might be interested in you. Haha
...
mom: seriously, i will continue to pray for your future wife


Notice that it has all the hallmarks of EVERY conversation I have with her, namely asking me the status of my law school applications as well as mentioning my future spouse (if such a thing actually exists).

Congratulations, Google, you have managed to get my mom to use instant messaging. Not an easy feat.

(Sorry, SWA, I know you were rooting for Yahoo!)

the web vs. email

This guy poses an interesting question.

Which would you rather give up, assuming you had to give up one, the Web or Email? They both still exist (everyone else has access to both, only you have to give up one) and there's no cheating (IM, webmail, text messages to replace email).

I would definitely give up email. Neither my work nor my personal life REQUIRE email. Contrary to popular belief, I don't really keep in touch with people outside of my immediate family and friends that I see everyday. I'm bad at keeping in touch with long distance friends. (I know, that sucks, and I'm sorry to all my hometown and Taiwan friends) And the phone is still a great communications medium. The web on the other hand I use for entertainment, research, and shopping. What do I spend 90% of my time doing while at work? Browsing the internet. I mean, doing research related to my job. (Actually 90% of the time is spent IM'ing ppl, so I guess work would be a little more boring if I gave that up) Plus, how could I update my blog without the Web? Without that, what would the masses do? See? I'm only thinking of the masses here.

The Amazing Adventures of Gas Cap Man

This past Sunday I had the opportunity to help out a citizen in need.

Apparently after this woman (let's call her Mary Jane to protect the guilty) filled up at the gas station, MJ 'forgot' to put MJ's gas cap back on and close the gas door. As MJ drove off, MJ heard a 'clank, clank' and sees something fly off the roof of MJ's car. "Waaaaaaaaaaah!!! I think that was my gas cap!!" Fortunately the gas cap landed in the street right by the median and in a yellow painted area (where you're not supposed to drive). So I said, "It's ok, it landed on the side of the road, we can just walk on the median and get it." To which MJ replied, "We???"

Grrreat. Superheroes are always expected to do their jobs alone.

 
Who is that dashing young man walking on the median? If you click for the bigger version, you can see a Mobil in the background. That was the scene of the crime. 

 
Risking life and limb for a gas cap. But hey, that's what superheroes do, right? 

 
Reaching for the Cap by Willy Maekit. 

 
If you look at the guy in the SUV, he's probably thinking, "What the heck?" Either that or "I can see your underwear, man!" I know. That's part of my outfit. 

another year, another epiphany

Monday, September 11, 2006. This marks the fifth anniversary of 9/11.

Why does 9/11 not have a name, but instead is called by its date?

That sucks. That's like being the third child and being named '3'. (Anybody think of Ender's Game like I just did?)

I realized this will be the last Sept 11 I observe in LA. By this time next year, I will probably be in a new city, perhaps a new state, unemployed, and enrolled in the most expensive education of my life.

That makes me more than a little sad.

It's hard to buy stuff when you're unemployed.

pictures from Timmy's and Judy's wedding have been posted.

the perfect wife

For Labor Day weekend, I flew to Baltimore to meet up with my cousins and my siblings. I was expecting a nice relaxing weekend eating and playing Bang!. But I discovered something I never thought I'd find.


If a bushel of crabs were a woman, I'd marry her.

If you know me (and if you're reading this blog I assume you do, otherwise you're a stalker. If you are, drop me a line, maybe we can set something up. After all, if you love me that much to stalk me, you can't be all bad. And I'm still single.) then you know I love crab. If you look closely at the picture, you'll see "1 Bu" on the box which means 1 bushel. "How much is a bushel?" Fortunately for you, there was a dedicated team in Baltimore that set out to answer this question. 1 bushel = 5 dozen crabs. This makes me smile like you wouldn't believe.

When you look at a bushel of crabs, you feel anticipation, you get excited, and a warm fuzzy feeling starts growing inside. That would be your stomach growling. You also know that there is a lot of hard work involved, and sometimes you might get hurt. You know you'll have to really dig to get to the good stuff, but in the end, it'll all be worth it. Just like marriage.


A picture of the research team before we begin our experiment.

To unwind after such hard work, we played many a game of Bang! with the Dodge City and Fistful of Cards expansion packs. We also dabbled in some play of The Settlers of Catan. Also on the itinerary were a few rounds of Napoleon, and learning two very scandalous stories about my dad. (too scandalous to post, but I'll tell anyone who knows Taiwanese in person) To round out the meals, we ate at a southern BBQ place (with sweet tea!) and DW fired up the grill. Good food, good fun, and awesome company. And I met the perfect woman. I'd call it a success.

You know where to look for the rest of the pictures.

Thanks to DW and SC for hosting Labor Day 2006.

The last thing I want to mention is that SW and DW married well. The two most memorable quotes from the weekend:

"Follow your heart!" --MY
"I'm not willing to sacrifice Bang! time." --SC

Who knew the General Store could be so deadly?!

new office

My company finally moved into our new office. It was announced late 2005 and supposed to happen sometime in Jan 2006. Executed Aug 28, 2006. I guess they just like to give us advance notice.

Moving to a really nice office building in Santa Monica with covered parking, our own parking passes, a spacious office, and a window seat with a view is like getting a promotion. Obviously I have no idea what I'm talking about because I have never received a promotion. But I can dream.

I actually have my own window blinds. Watch out world, I'm moving up.

M.S. in Computer Science

ecstatic: The feeling one feels when one needs an A- or above in his/her last class to graduate, writes an email to the professor, receives a reply that says "if you knew you needed such a grade you should have worked for it and not try to pass on to me your problem", is forced to wait a week for grades to be revealed and then sees:

92568: A-

in the list of grades. (92568 would be the aforementioned person's id)

"It is finished." -Jesus
(Yes, this is a gross misquote of the Bible)

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty! I'm free at last!

Seriously, God must really love me, because according to my calculations, there was no chance of me getting an A-. (PNG, you can add this to the list)

one of these things is exactly like the other

The universe almost exploded.

man severs dead cells after almost 1 year

pics from Hair Cut 2006 have been posted.

My photographer MJ wants to be credited.

they can take our lives, but they can never take......

Today, I will take my last final.

Today, I will cut my hair. Actually, EL will.

Today, I will taste freedom.