Orientation day 1

6AM: arrived at JFK
took a taxi to nobu's apartment.
6:45AM: arrived at nobu's apartment.
6:55AM: nobu turns on his cell phone and lets me in.

After taking a three hour nap on nobu's couch, ST picks me up and helps me move into my dorm. After spending all of 20 min moving (I only had 6 boxes), we decide to go shopping and eat some lunch. The schedule says I don't have to be back until 2pm, so I figure we have some time. Time: 12:30PM

After buying some necessities, we start eating at 1:20PM. No problem I think. I'll just miss some introductory speeches. By the time I get back to my dorm, it's 2:10PM. I look up where we're supposed to meet and ask directions. Which turn out to be wrong. After finding the right place, I look at my phone. 2:30PM. Not bad, I'm sure the speeches are long I think. As I enter the building, I see everyone streaming out of the auditorium wearing t-shirts with their assigned section on them. OH CRAP. It's already over. I find an official looking person and ask what I should do if I had just arrived. They hurry to look up my section and tell me my group has already left. So they just randomly throw me into another group. Grrreeat. First day and I'm already late.

It turns out it wasn't a big deal as all we did today was a city wide scavenger hunt. Since I took a red eye last night and moved in today, I was thoroughly exhausted. They threw us a party at night with free food and alcohol which some people took way too big an advantage of.

While waiting for the shuttle to take us back to the dorms, we see a guy. This guy is TDTS (too drunk to stand). The first time I see him, he is leaning on a girl. The girl is obviously supporting him as he is TDTS. Eventually, the girl gets tired (as one does when supporting someone larger than you) and hands him over to another guy. Somehow in the course of this happening, TDTS guy ends up on the ground. So he just lays on the ground. For like 10 minutes. Eventually they try to pick him up so he can lean against the wall. Apparently TDTS guy doesn't like that and begins to puke. Then he starts running down the sidewalk, but since he is TDTS, he is also TDTR. SMACK. His face hits the concrete. Somehow he is ok. The bus arrives and they somehow drag him on. THUNK. That is the sound of his head hitting the window and he slides into his seat. And then he pukes again. As soon as the bus arrives at our dorm, his 'friends' pull him off and he pukes AGAIN. And then stumbles and falls into his own vomit. Wonderful. NYU sure knows how to pick winners.

arrived

In NY! Moving in to NYU. That is all.

B3

We went to the Jurong Bird Park today. Let it be known that the park stinks. Having a whole park dedicated to birds does not make the odors that waft into your nose very pleasant. In fact, they are the opposite of pleasant. They are anti-pleasant.

The only cool part of the park is the Lory Loft where you can feed lories. I have pictures, but I currently have no where to post them. Just picture small parrots that look like the Viewsonic birds. But hundreds of them. All flying around in a huge enclosed building and willing to climb onto your arm/hand/head/body if you feed them this nectar thing. Pretty cool.

A very not cool part of the park is the restaurant near the main entrance. Specifically the bathroom. It is not cool if you walk into the bathroom, and there is a little boy in front of you, who, upon entering the bathroom, pulls down his pants as he walks to the urinal. Since you are behind him, you get front row seats to his bare butt. Not cool. Very not cool, Bare Butt Boy.

the most humid place on earth

The most humid place on Earth is not Singapore. But you could've fooled me.

It's unbearable to go outside. It's almost as bad as Taiwan in the summer. Bringing a drink with you wherever you go is a life saving procedure.

They make you pay to use the bathroom?? I had to pay S$0.10 today to use the bathroom at a food court.

Tonight was spent wandering around for over an hour trying to find a church service. The directions on the website were very unclear and we had to resort to asking about 3 different people before we finally found the right location. We didn't even bother going in since we were so late.

Sorry for the disjointed post. It's very tiring when you need to completely rehydrate your body every 5 minutes.

All I gotta say is, South Africa better not be this humid.

in the last days...

This is was my first job which I actually had to desk to clean up.

I'm officially unemployed! Besides being a full time comp-sci-geek-turned-future-lawyer-maybe, I mean. And that's hard work, believe you me.

Goodbye lunch-crew: BH, HW, MS, DS, IK

cross country

I feel wholly unprepared to move.

Goodbye LA. Hello NY.

GTA: Los Angeles

Oh crap. My car lost its powers!!

Monday, May 14, 8:15pm: park my car on the street in front of my apartment.

Tuesday, May 15, 11:00am: come outside and either my car turned into an old silver Toyota Camry, or it got stolen.

Yup, someone stole my car. Booooo.

posted pics from Sandy and Tony's Wedding.

posted pictures from the Rose Hills visit after Esther's wedding.

Rose Hills

Yes, Just, I finally put up pictures from Esther's wedding.

Esther and Andy's Wedding

how to get someone to guess Tow Mater

(GC, age 5, at his sister's birthday party)

GC: "Uncle Jeff, guess what's on my underwear!"
me: "Uh...."
GC: "I'll give you a clue. It's brown."
me: "It's brown??"
GC: "Yup. Ok I'll give you another clue. It's old."
me: "It's old and brown? This doesn't sound good..."

ingenuity......or desperation

Tip of the day:

If you work at a tech company and you have a bottle of Orangina you can't open, use an ethernet cable. Wrap it around the cap and use it for better grip. Works wonders.

 

They sent me my nametag I have to wear to all my classes.

I love you too, Dad

A few weeks ago, my Dad was in town to attend a funeral in SD. I decided to drive down after work on Thursday to meet him for dinner. Braving the worst traffic known to man, I made what should have been a 2 hr trip in 4 months. After arriving, I asked what he wanted to eat and he replied he didn't have any preferences. I had asked a few of my friends familiar with SD what good restaurants were around there and we decided to go to an all-you-can-eat sushi place (Tadashi in La Jolla). Since it was getting late, we called the restaurant to make sure we would have time to eat before they closed. They were going to close in a little over an hour, so we left the hotel and headed over.

Upon arriving, we were seated at a table and informed the waitress we wanted the buffet. She asked us to move to the sushi bar and politely mentioned that if there were any leftover pieces, we would be charged for it. We sat down and my Dad started filling out the sushi sheet. I looked over as he wrote a bunch of 4s and 2s.

me: "4 orders of all this? Are you sure?"
dad: "Yeah, 2 for you, and 2 for me."
me: "okaaaay...."

Shortly thereafter, we were presented with a large plate full of sushi. Since it was late, we were both pretty hungry and finished it off quickly. I asked if he was still hungry and wanted to order more.

dad: "I'm not hungry, but if you want to order some more, I can eat it."

Being the bottomless pit people think I am, I suggested just ordering a little bit more. However, when we informed the cook that we would like to order more, he replied, "You still have more coming. You have a lot more coming."

Oh, ok. We sat patiently and were served yet another large plate full of sushi. Plus 2 small plates. Full of sushi. As they placed the plates in front of us, I realized, "We are not going to be able to finish this." But I said nothing. I knew my Dad realized this as well. But being the proud Chinese father that he is, he would never admit defeat.

We dug in and soon were completely full. And there was still a ton of sushi left. In my effort to take a break, I tried making some conversation. My Dad's reply:

me: "How're Mom and Mei doing?"
dad: "I'll tell you later. We have to finish our dinner first. We don't have enough time."

So we spent the rest of the meal in silence, slowly but steadily stuffing the last remaining pieces of sushi into our mouths. Soon, my dad announced that he was done. Which meant I had to eat the rest of the meal. Bite. Chew. Swallow. Suppress urge to throw up. Repeat.

I don't think I've ever eaten so much sushi in my life.

(Nah, who am I kidding, I probably have. Lots of times.)

I managed to finish all but 3 pieces. As we hurridly left the restaurant, hoping they wouldn't charge us extra, I couldn't help but laugh at what had just happened. I felt like this was something I would do with my friends while in college, not with my Dad when I was 25.

Good times, Dad, good times.

Paradise Day 6

As far as I'm concerned, this day never happened. I'm still in Hawaii. I'm still in paradise. I'm relaxed. Don't bother me.

Paradise Day 5

Day 5: outlet day. We woke up, got some Mitsu-ken (which has awesome garlic chicken) on the way, and went to the outlets. If you look at the pictures, it may appear to you, dear reader, that I bought a lot of clothes, and it may also occur to you that this is a ridiculous proposition. One guy outspending two girls? Unthinkable.

This about it this way. I was gonna get dragged to the outlets anyway. I might as well do all my shopping at once rather than having to endure this unpleasant experience again in a few months. It's like going to the dentist. If you're going to be dragged to the dentist's office anyway, might as well get your teeth cleaned.

After getting our teeth pulled, we stopped by Wailoa Shave Ice, where the ice was once again super soft. I think the water in Hawaii is better. Either that or everything tastes better when you're in paradise. We also stopped by Zippy's for some last minute chili before MJ decided to make us hike Diamond Head.

I almost died.

That's right, I had a near death experience in Hawaii. The only other time I almost died is when my appendix ruptured, but that was nothing compared to climbing the Stairs of Death^TM.

We got to Diamond Head about an hour before the parking lot closed, so they asked us if we could make it back before they locked our car in. We said, "Sure," and we headed off. At the beginning, it's just dirt trails and a couple switch backs; nothing too difficult. That's how they get you. After you've already hiked more than halfway up, you turn a corner and are presented with the most horrifying sight known to man. It must have been 1 million steps. At least. I told SS and MJ that if I didn't make it, to tell my family I loved them. Somehow God granted me superhuman endurance and I actually made it up to the top. The view at the top of Diamond Head is amazing. It totally makes it worth it (I'm pretty sure.....yeah, I guess it's worth it).

After we came back down, SS wanted to goto Costco to buy some souvenirs. Always thinking of others, that one. It's a good thing she's so selfless, because it led directly to the purchase of the most amazing machine on earth. That's right. I bought a Wii. MJ did too. And there was much rejoicing.

The rest of the night was a blur. I honestly don't know what happened between buying the Wii and falling asleep with a stupid grin on my face.

Hawaii Day 5 pics

Paradise Day 4

Sorry for the delay. We are experiencing a phenomenon known as 'laziness'. Please bear with us while we work to rectify the situation. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Day 4 was Sunday. Sunday is the-day-to-go-to-church-
even-though-we-shouldn't-be-just-Sunday-Christians-
and-really-church-means-the-people-not-a-building. So we went to church.

MJ and SS found a church called New Hope Fellowship. When we got there, I detoured to the bathroom while they went ahead. After using the facilities, I walked into the sanctuary where I was promptly hugged. By a man. I thought, "Oh, that's interesting. Maybe that guy is just really friendly." Then I got hugged again. By another man. This changed my hypothesis to "They must hug all the newcomers." But, after church, I asked MJ and SS if anyone hugged them when they walked in, and they said no. Do I just look particularly huggable? What's going on? Please, if any of you see me walking on the street, don't hug me. Reference this post.

After church, (where the sermon was a video feed from the main church, cuz we were at a satellite church) we went to Pearl Harbor. The memorial is a white structure built on top of the remains of the U.S.S. Arizona. It's very somber inside. We also had the option of paying to tour the U.S.S. Missouri, which did not sink, but being the Asians that we are, we opted for just the free ferry trip to the Arizona.

After Pearl Harbor, SS and I were still lamenting the previous day's failed attempt to locate and consume garlic shrimp. So we decided we would make a second attempt, but this time drive the opposite direction, so if we still couldn't find the Mystical Blue Shrimp Truck of Awesomeness, we could just stop at Giovanni's.

To make a long story short, the weather turned bad, MJ felt sick, and we couldn't find the MBSTA so SS and I just ate at Giovanni's. It doesn't matter that there were flies constantly buzzing around or that there were stray cats roaming the picnic tables where we ate. It was the best shrimp we've ever had. The fact that we were sucking on the shells speaks volumes.

Hawaii Day 4 pics

Paradise Day 3

This was our North Shore Day.

We woke up, and drove through the middle of the island towards the North Shore.

On the way, we stopped at the Dole plantation. Imagine a store surrounded by pineapples. Now imagine that store is filled with pineapples and pineapple-produced food. And pineapple related merchandise. And it has a yellow interior. You have just imagined the Dole plantation. The ice cream was very good though. After we strolled through the building, we decided to do the Pineapple Garden Maze. The conversation went something like this:

me: "Do you guys want to do the maze?"
(at the same time) MJ: "No." SS: "Yes."
MJ: "I mean, yes."

From that unanimous decision sprang forth our quest through the garden maze. The goal of the maze is to find 6 locations where there are stencils you have to trace onto a card. After you have found all 6, you come back to the start. They time you and if your time is one of the fastest 5 times, you get a poster. The 5th place time was 15 minutes, so we tried to beat that. At the beginning, we split up to try to find the 6 stencils faster and then were going to copy the stencils onto one card. After the girls found 4, and I found 2, we met up and were going to trace the cards. But SS didn't want to cheat so I showed them where the last 2 stencils they needed were. In the end, we made it out in 18 minutes. But SS kept her morals. I guess it's good that SS is the teacher and the two cheaters are an attorney and a software developer who pretends to fight piracy.

From there, we headed to Matsumoto's shave ice. It's basically a snow cone (with really soft ice) that you can get with ice cream or red bean or both. You can pick the syrup flavors and add condensed milk if you want. There was even a Caucasian lady that hesitantly ordered "red bean?" From her confused look, we knew there was no way she thought putting beans in ice would make anything remotely close to a good tasting dessert, but MJ assured her the beans were sweet and she had made the right choice. Way to spread the Asian culture, MJ.

As we resumed our drive to the North shore. We noticed some shrimp trucks and this ignited a debate whether we had passed the Mystical Blue Shrimp Truck of Awesomeness.

(The origin of the Mystical Blue Shrimp Truck of Awesomeness goes something like this: Before we left for Hawaii, JL/EL recommended we eat garlic shrimp from the roach coach shrimp trucks on the side of the road. All the trucks were located along the side of the freeway on the North shore. The most famous amoung tourists is Giovanni's, a white truck, but JL told us about a better truck which was blue.)

After much discussion and driving back and forth, we called up JL and asked him if we were in the correct place. Alas, we were not. We would not get to the Mystical Blue Shrimp Truck of Awesomeness until we were on the way back to the hotel.

We kept driving and came upon Waimea Beach. The waves were huge so we decide to go rent some boogie boards. After getting destroyed by the waves for most of the afternoon, we headed out and saw a surfing competition sponsored by Monster. Then we commenced Operation: Shrimp Truck. We drove along the coast on the way back to the hotel, keeping our eyes peeled for the Mystical Blue Shrimp Truck of Awesomeness. We passed Giovani's and knew we were on the right track. We looked. And looked. We called JL. And looked. But, we couldn't find it and ended up back at the hotel. SS and I were very sad. Since we couldn't find it, we just decided to eat at Willows, a buffet.

Since I didn't know they had self-parking, I pulled into their valet lot. Then we rushed inside because they were about to close and ate hurriedly. Then we got our bill. $30/person. The buffet was definitely not THAT good. All in all, a subpar experience. Especially since the next day, MJ got food poisoning.

Hawaii Day 3 pics

meal-in-a-pill

This morning, I had an epiphany. You know how futurists are always telling us that one day we will have a pill that will give us all the nutrients we need? It's never gonna work.

Have you ever heard of someone complaining about eating? "Crap! Again? I just ate a few hours ago!!! Why do I feel hungry again? Stupid body! I wish I didn't have to eat!!" No. Instead, we have throngs of people that throng to upscale restaurants to pay 3x's the price for an animal or plant that is prepared in a specific way so that those little bumps on our tongues will send out signals to our brains. People are paying MORE for food that TASTES better. Not for healthier food. If anything, the food at these places are probably worse for you.

So no, nobody in the future will voluntarily eat a meal-in-a-pill. Given the choice, which would you rather eat? A steak or a pill? Exactly. The only thing I can envision it being used for is military, space, or poverty reasons.

You know what would be cool though? If they made meal-in-a-pills with different flavors.

Paradise Day 2

Day 2 is what I want to call Snorkeling Day. But I can't. Due to some unfortunate decisions, I am forced to call it The Day the Coral Got Angry.

We woke up, checked the weather, and went to McDonald's for breakfast. Spam and Portuguese sausage in the morning hits the spot. We had to ask for the saimin, because it wasn't on the menu.

After breakfast, we headed out to Hanauma Bay, where we would go snorkeling. Upon arrival, we were ushered into a briefing room where they showed us an instructional video about snorkeling. During this video, they pound into your head Rule #1. Rule #1 is "Look, but don't touch." Apparently, touching coral causes death. And death is not good for coral. Who knew?

After walking down to the bay and renting our equipment under the watchful eyes of a few stray roosters, we settled on the beach and put on our equipment. If you look at the pics of the bay, you will see clear areas where there isn't much coral. For our initial foray, we wisely chose to swim in a clear area. We enjoyed it very much. Nobody got hurt. We enjoyed it very much. We saw lots of fish. We enjoyed it very much.

After snorkeling for a while, we went back to the beach and rested. This is where the story turns ugly. Parents, you may wish to cover the eyes of your children at this point.

After we felt restful from having rested for the rest of the resting time, we decided to go back into the water and snorkel a bit more. Because we had risen early, (in Hawaii, God grants me special powers that allow me to wake up before 10AM) when we arrived at the bay, it was relatively empty. By now, the afternoon, more people had come and were snorkeling in the middle area. We decided to snorkel towards the right, where there were barely any snorkelers. For good reason, we would soon discover.

Very much unlike the clear areas, the right side is full of coral. There was barely enough water to swim over the coral without touching it. We figured we were just in a bad area, so we looked for a clear area and headed toward it. After getting there, we were stuck. The waves started to push us into the coral and we started to look for a way back. On the way back, we saw a turtle (it was huge, but sleeping) and took a photo (which I will upload when we scan them in), but the tide must have gone down. We got stranded on coral that was above water and had to literally crawl over the coral to get back to shore. That's where we took the "after" picture and assessed our losses. Coral: 1 Humans: 0.

After leaving Hanauma Bay, we drove to the east side of the island, to Kailua Beach. We stopped on the way for chili at Zippy's, took a few pictures at a scenic spot, and arrived at the beach. The Beach. The sand was soft, fine, and white, (kinda like my dream girl, but the sand didn't speak Mandarin) and the water was so clear. It was definitely the beach that all other beaches in Hawaii should strive to become. We swam there for a bit, drove back to town where we got slush floats, then went back to the hotel to shower. We decided to splurge for dinner and went to a high-end steak place. We were so underdressed, they put us in the back corner next to the kitchen. You would think this happens to me fairly often, but surprisingly it doesn't. (it must be because I usually go out with well dressed friends) After dinner, we went back to the hotel and actively participated in MJ's plan-for-tomorrow party (see pics).

Hawaii Day 2 pics

Try using your arrow keys, or the mousewheel to navigate.

Paradise Day 1

We left for Hawaii on Thursday. After sleeping on the plane and playing the Bean game (Bohnanza, a German card game that is awesome), we finally arrived. The first thing we did after picking up our rental car was check-in to the hotel. You know those movies that show people deplaning and people putting leis on them after they get off the plane? All lies. We didn't get one until we arrived at our hotel. I bet they just put that in the movies to try to trick people into going to Hawaii. You know, because Hawaii is hurting for tourists.

At the hotel, as MJ checked-in, a Master of Welcoming Guests to the Hotel came up to us and gave us guava juice! A pleasant surprise from the Best Hotel Welcomer Master ever!

After that, we quickly dumped our things and walked a few blocks down the road for some ramen. JL had recommended this small restaurant to us, but we had to keep calling and bugging him and EL because we didn't know if we were at the right restaurant or not. We went in and had some awesome ramen. The broth is a lot thicker than normal and it's really good. After we were done, the cook/manager/owner/head person came out and asked us if this was the first time we'd been there. When we said yes, he said we ordered the right thing. Definitely a good recommendation from JL/EL. Actually, nobody gave us any bad advice for the whole trip.

After eating our fill, we went swimming behind our hotel at Waikiki beach. This is the most touristy beach because it's where all the hotels, and thus tourists, are. This is when we discovered there are rocks in the ocean. Apparently the beach is eroding (as it is really short, take a look at the pics) and there is not enough sand on the ocean floor to cover the rocks. That's the conclusion I just made up. I blame global warming. Everyone please stop driving your cars so we can all enjoy the beaches in Hawaii.

For dinner that night, we had planned to go to Yummy's, a Korean restaurant that served "meat jun", which is just another name for "french toast with meat inside". We looked up the closest one and supposedly it was right across the street in the International Marketplace food court. Little did we know that the food court was closed for renovations. Since we didn't know where the second closest one was, we asked the concierge, who told us we would have to go to a nearby mall. We got to the mall, went inside a Macy's and asked an employee there if the food court had a Yummy's. Everyone we asked gave us this weird look like "Why do you want to goto Yummys?" We thought nothing of it until we got to the food court. Then it dawned on us: driving around Oahu asking people where to find the closest Yummy's is the equivalent to a tourist driving around LA asking where the closest Panda Express is. Not a place you would normally ask for specifically. The meat jun was good and then we had some Dole pineapple smoothy/frozen yogurt/ice cream for dessert.

Then we hung out at Barnes and Nobles.

Then I went back to my room-without-an-ocean-view and crashed.

Hawaii Day 1 pics

mainland USA

Returning from Hawaii is like dying, getting to heaven, and then being forced to come back to earth.

pics to follow.

posted pics from Thanksgiving and Kyle's wedding. It's not in the old gallery.

we're #1

OSU once again has the most numbers of undergraduates enrolled on it's main campus.

Columbus Dispatch

This is from 10/17/2006. I guess I'm out of the loop.

we watched the movie RV on the way back

I took at road trip to see the Grand Canyon for the first time on Jan 5 and 6. I was travelling with my cousin's family and they invited another family to come along. Total there were 5 adults and 6 kids in 1 RV.

I'll post pics later when I get them from the other road-trippers, but the most exciting part of the trip was the way home. The RV broke down twice. And we had to push it. 3 guys. Pushing an RV. Uphill.

Note to self: Before you get into any vehicle, make sure the passengers inside can push it if it breaks down.

Unabridged version:
On the way back to LA, we stopped at a Chevron gas station in Arizona. When we pulled in, JC, the driver commented to his wife that this was the exact same gas station he had problems at 15 years ago when they were on music ministry. At that time, they drove a Dodge van and something in the fuel caused the fuel filter to get clogged. JC decided to gas up this time anyway because we needed the gas. So he gassed up, and we were on our way.

The first breakdown occured a few hours later. The engine just started sputtering and finally we had to stop. Thankfully, it was about 200 ft away from a freeway exit and only on a very slight incline to the top of the hill, where it became downhill. We managed to push it (and then jump in while it was rolling) to a gas station where we gassed up and knocked loose whatever was blocking the fuel filter. After about 60 miles, the engine starts sputtering again.

For the second breakdown, JC knew what was coming and tried to exit before we our engine died. As we exited, the gas station was across the street, so we had to turn right and then turn left into the gas station. Unfortunately, there was oncoming traffic and we had to stop before turning left. On a hill. Steeper than the first time. All 3 guys got out, but this hill was too steep. The only way we ended up getting it into the gas station was the kind assistance of 4 guys who saw us and offered to help. (Yes, we were outside of LA. This is what people do.) We gassed up again, knocked loose whatever was blocking the filter and somehow made it all the way home.

I know I was hoping to experience new things when I moved to LA, but pushing an RV was definitely not one of them.

we regret to inform you

Nothing makes you want to check the mailbox more than expecting acceptance letters from schools.

So far, nothing.

The more schools you apply to, the better chances you'll get into one, right? But that also increases the number of potential rejection letters. I'm in for a possible 13.

T minus 4 days

With the New Year&trade approaching, I figured I would take this opportunity to upgrade my blog to the New, Improved, Blogger beta! Tada! Looks nice, huh?

During the upgrade process, I was forced to sit at a screen and wait. Blogger politely informed me that it would take a 'few minutes'. In actuality, it took longer than expected (like 7 whole minutes. Doesn't Blogger know some people are busy at work?). During that time, I started to worry. "How long is this going to take? What if it takes more than a day? What if during that time something happens to me? I won't be able to tell anyone! Oh crap! What if I think of something funny to write! No one will know!" Stuff nightmares are made of, I know.

Fortunately for all of you, it is now back up. (raise hands to the throng of people in thunderous applause)

Ok, since this year is my first ever "Christmas in LA", and my sister's in town, I'll end this post now and leave you with this thought: "This year, don't go cheap. Give the gift of Mozo." Yeah, I don't know what it means either, but it sounds good.

maybe that phone call is for me

Since when do the janitors answer the phone?

I just called a local restaurant at 2:40AM expecting to hear a recording telling me what their hours of operation were. Instead, after a couple rings, someone picks up.

"J. Alexanders. This is Kyle, how can I help you?"
"Uh....I was just wondering what your hours were tomorrow."
"Oh, I'm just the janitor. You have to call back tomorrow at 10. I think they're open from 11AM to 11PM."

Boggles the mind.

if that's your real name

I went to a "pre-Christmas" party tonight. Not a Christmas party, a "pre-Christmas" party. It was held by the church my sister goes to along with a Christian organization to help international students. Here's one conversation I had with someone I never met before (an international student).

Eric: "So are you a Christian?"
Me: "Yes."
Eric: "How long have you been a Christian?"
Me: "Pretty much all my life."
Eric: "I don't believe you."

Eric then walks away.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, you're right. Because I routinely lie to people I meet for the first time. It's a character flaw, what can I say?

Peek-a-boo

I came back to Ohio for a week to attend one of my friends' weddings. Congrats to KE and GC!

While I've been back, I've enjoyed sleeping in everyday, eating my mom's homecooked meals and hanging out with my sister and old friends.

Tonight, I met up with some of my high school friends and we ate at a trendy sports bar/restaurant close to campus. Right before we were about to leave, I headed to the facilities to relieve myself.

(The following information is intended for female readers only as I assume it is not common knowledge. However, I happen to know there are sofas and chairs in some female restrooms, so I may just be making an incorrect assumption about how much the opposite gender knows about the other's restroom layout.) Some places will post interesting pictures or even newspaper pages on the wall to give males something to look at while we are using the urinal.

At this particular establishment, I looked up while relieving myself only to realize I was looking at people in the bar! For a split second, I thought people were also able to see me, but then I realized it was a two-way mirror.

This reminded me of something I read about on the Internet.

See through bathroom

Who puts a two-way mirror in the bathroom? It makes you wonder where else they install these things. What if they had installed it the wrong way?

To protect the innocent, I won't reveal the name of the restaurant in question, but for those of you in Columbus, it rhymes with ddie George's Grill and starts with an E.

You are cordially invited

Don't you hate it when your office building holds a holiday dessert reception and they have a big chocolate fountain that you dip a cookie into and then the chocolate drips on your white t-shirt? I sure do. Not that I have any experience with this sort of thing, it's just something random that popped into my head.

20061129

Some twenty-odd people said the same the exact same thing to me today.

A quarter century year old and I realize the next 25 years will not be the same.

I will never be as young.
I will never have as much energy.
I will never be able to eat as much as I can now.
I will never have as few wrinkles as I have now on my body.

But I also realize the next 25 years will not be the same.

I will be wiser (hopefully).
I will think before I act (hopefully).
I will learn to appreciate my food as I eat it at a slower pace (hopefully).
I will increase my smile wrinkles (hopefully).

The next 25 years is full of hope.

I hope my car insurance will go down.
I hope to get married and have my own family.
I hope to get into law school and then get out.
I hope to make many more friends and not forget the ones I have now. (Actually, maybe only a few more cuz I'm an introvert.)
I hope to watch my parents retire and enjoy their life together.
I hope to watch my brothers and sisters start their own families.
I hope that when I'm 50, I don't look back on the last 25 years and regret what I've done with the time God has given me.

Dang, I hope I'm still alive in 25 years and can still see well enough to read what I wrote today.

The Big T

I'm thankful for only having to work a half day the day before Thanksgiving, and being able to fly home to see family on Thanksgiving.

the US gov't wants to know...

Go vote and fire your current Senators and/or Representatives if you're not satisfied with the job they've done. Or if you are, rehire them.

don't touch my genes

A lot of people over the years have commented on my aversion to physical touch. Some have postulated that when you poke me, I shirk away because I'm ticklish. Others think I wasn't hugged enough as a kid. Many just find it strange.

In my tireless searching to this oft asked question, I have stumbled across an answer.

Chinese fail to embrace free hugs from strangers

See? It's not just me, it's genetic. My people just don't like to be touched.

If you don't know what the article is talking about, watch this video.

schwag

[14:51] me: you know where i went?
[14:52] me: we got im
[14:52] MJ: free pretzel day?
[14:52] me: "free stuff at artistdirect. shoes, dolls and other stuff"
[14:52] me: so we all went over to other side of office
[14:52] me: they had buncha stuff from warehouse in florida that doesn't sell anymore
[14:52] MJ: what'd u get?
[14:53] me: i got king arthur doll
[14:53] MJ: why??
[14:55] MJ: what are you gonna do with it
[14:56] me: hold on
[14:56] me: gotta get grim reaper doll
[14:56] MJ: oh geez
[15:03] me: i got an albatross too

I uploaded a bunch of albums that I've been hoarding.

I had glasses that covered half my face

Everyone is either cool cool, nerdy cool, dorky cool, nerdy nerdy or dorky dorky. Don't blame me, I just found this out myself, recently. If you are nerdy cool, at heart you are a nerd, but you are a cool nerd. If you have no coolness, you are just nerdy nerdy. Get it? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, apparently, I'm dorky cool.

I object, your honor! (see? I'm good at this. Are you law school application people reading this?). Dorky cool?!!! I'm not cool at all.

Since this blog is all about exposing the truth (see Truth 1 and Truth 2) I'd like to take this moment to clear up this gross misunderstanding.

First of all, I'm a Comp Sci major. COMP SCI. Not only did I feel the need to be a Comp Sci major, but to kill any lingering coolness germs (sometimes it's hard to wash off) I went and got a graduate degree in Comp Sci. Still not satisfied, I went ahead and got a Software Development job. How does that make me cool? It doesn't.

I like video games. And sci-fi movies/tv shows/toys. I read books (usually sci-fi books). I watch Anime. And love it. I have no sense of style, and at the moment, no desire to go out and obtain one (to the chagrin of my cousin EL who is forced to give me awesome haircuts that I'm not able to make look good). I do Sudoku. I play logic games with my family. I play card games, and buy games like Bang! and Settlers of Catan. I like chess (even though I suck). I want to become better at chess.

Some of you right now are trying frantically to think of reasons why I'm still cool. (thanks for the effort, Mom, but it's futile). Face it, you guys are either related to or friends with a nerdy dorky guy. (Or you're stalking me, which will probably stop after this post)

"What about your motorcycle?" you may ask. "You're (marginally) good at (some) sports!" you may cry.

Look, people. I originally was going to get a scooter before I was convinced otherwise (by some cool cool people). The only reason I even ride a motorcycle is because it's fun and it saves me time. If the only way for me to get through traffic in LA was to wear motorized roller skates, I would do it (as long as it was fun). I didn't get a motorcycle for the cool factor. I got it for practicality.

And I'm not good at sports. For some reason, I just have a high metabolism, which makes me skinny and able to sprint. That's it. I don't train. I don't work out. Without my metabolism, I'd be 50 lb. heavier. And not able to move as easily.

So in reality, all this talk about me having any semblance of 'coolness' is just hogwash. I'm a nerdy dorky guy with a high metabolism.

Ask my college roommates. They'll tell you. (You can also ask my brother or my sisters, but they're biased. Against me. So it's more believable coming from neutral third parties.)

(I'm not saying people who do the things I do or like the things I like are not cool. I'm just saying I'm not cool. There are tons of people with similarities to me that can pull off being cool. I'm not one of them.)

i look like i'm 14

(Lady at Vodka and Monster display table at Ralphs)

lady: (hands me a coupon) "We're having a sale. (suspicious look on her face) Are you over 21?"
me: "Yes."
lady: "I thought so."

Yeah right. If you thought so, why did you ask me?

accidental purchases

An objective look at one person's difficulty in using ebay.

MJ claims ebay is hard to use. MJ claims she buys stuff on ebay "by accident". Is it really "by accident"? Is ebay really difficult to navigate? Or is it simple human error? This post aims to conclusively answer that.

We have three seperate instances of MJ having difficulty using ebay and thus making "accidental" purchases. We will present each case and make an analysis. Remember, we will do this as objectively as possible.

Accidental purchase #1:

This occurs when MJ was in law school. She hadn't used her ebay account in a couple of years, so she wanted to see if it still worked. Normal users would just log into their account, see that it was still active, and be done with it. But MJ is not a normal user. Her (then) apartment needed a big mirror (think one big enough to hang over a mantle), so she decided to bid on two mirrors randomly for $1 each, thinking she would be outbid. To her horror, she won them BOTH. Each one is about the size of a dinner plate. She says they were both described as "big" so she thought they would be big.

Analysis: Why would MJ bid on something to make sure her account worked? By logging in and seeing her account was still active, she should have concluded that her account did not get disabled. Even if she did bid on something, why would she bid on something hoping she would lose? And why would she bid on 2?

Conclusion: Human error 1, accidental purchase 0.

Accidental purchase #2:

This occured about a year ago when MJ wanted to buy The Village. She insists it is a good movie (although everyone else knows the truth) and wanted to force people to watch it. So she decided to buy the DVD off ebay. With 8 minutes remaining in the auction, she discovered that she had bid on the movie Signs instead. Because of this "accidental" purchase, she went back to ebay and bought The Village, the actual movie she wanted.

Analysis: An accident is when you knock over a cup of water that you didn't know was there. An accident is not when you walk into a car dealership and buy a car when what you really wanted was a bike.

Conclusion: Human error 2, accidental purchase 0.

Accidental purchase #3:

This final instance happened a few days ago. MJ loves trivia and wanted to purchase genus 1-6 of Trivial Pursuit. Somehow, she "accidentally" bid on two different auctions of genus 2. Not wanting to buy two copies of the same game, she was distraught. But fortunately, she got outbid on one of them. A few days later, she was checking the status of her auctions and MyEbay said some of her auctions were ending. When she checked the auctions, she found out that she was outbid on an auction for genus 2. Thinking it was the auction that she wanted to win, she rebid. Then she discovered that auction was the original one she was outbid on. So she was now winning two auctions of genus 2 again.

mj: ebay is very tricky
mj: i think it merits a class action lawsuit
mj: when i went to it, it said 2 items i bid on were ending soon
mj: so naturally i think it's the 2 items i was winning yest
mj: but nooo! one of them is the one i was outbid on!
mj: so i rebid on it tho i didn't want to!

Analysis: When you do something of your own free will, something that you don't want to do, something that nobody is forcing you to do, it is definitely ebay's fault. Riiiiight.

Conclusion: Human error 3, accidental purchase 0.

In summary, when you bid on something expecting to be outbid, and then you aren't, it's not an accidental purchase. That's like saying you go to the supermarket, put a box of cereal in your cart and goto the checkout expecting it to fall out before you get there. And then when you get there you are surprised you are buying a box of cereal.

Also, if you goto the cereal aisle wanting to buy Frosted Flakes, but instead grab Special K, you should not be surprised that you bought the wrong cereal. Read the description of what you are buying.

And lastly, if you put two boxes of cereal in your cart when you only want one, are pleasantly surprised when one of them does indeed fall out, do NOT pick it up off the floor and put it back in your cart. If you do, you will be buying two boxes, which is what you were trying to avoid in the first place.

I hope this post is helpful to all of you in your future bids on ebay. Or in the supermarket.

you know your family is awesome when . . .

The best part about being Taiwanese (the astute readers among you will note that there really isn't only one best part to being Taiwanese as every part is equal; they are all awesome) is when you go visit relatives and they feel the need to give you food.

Tonight, I dropped off some CDs for my Aunt and Uncle. I thought it would be a quick drop-off-and-leave ordeal, but I should have known better. As soon as they opened the door, they presented me with a brown bag which contained moon cake and guava inside. The only problem was I rode my motorcycle and didn't bring any sort of backpack with me. And my spacious trunk was already full. What to do? What to do? (This was what my Aunt asked my Uncle)

Fortunately, I come from a very intelligent family and my uncle came up with a solution. After first suggesting I hang a plastic bag around my neck, he thought up the ingenious idea of looping my belt through the handles of the plastic bag. He insisted that I try it. He even followed me outside to my motorcycle to ensure that it would work.

He even had the foresight to ask me if I was going straight home. After I replied I was meeting a friend, he reminded me to take off the bag from my belt before I went into my friend's house.

Of course, during this entire time, my Aunt and Uncle were laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

What a great family.

smash your thumb with a celebrity

Last Saturday, I volunteered for Habitat for Humanity. I took away two things, which I will show pictorially below.


Who is that standing in front of me? Yes, that is correct. Only the most famous actress in the news these days, Ashley Johnson AKA Chrissy Seaver from Growing Pains. She was working right next to us on the house! I almost got to stand next to her, but there was this really rude girl (wearing the Yale hat) that elbowed her way to the front to claim the spot. I think she thinks she's better than everyone else just because she went to Yale, but I'm not sure.


This is what happens when you smash your thumb with a hammer. Now that you know, you can all stop experimenting.

can't we all just get along?

Some competing hacker in HK somehow used my paypal account and charged $1100 to my credit card.

Ok, what is wrong with this situation?

We're both Asian, man! We're both computer geeks! We're both poor!

Go steal someone else's identity please.

This is why there's no unity in the world.

(This post would not make a good ad for a wife.)

parent on IM

Friday, September 22, 2006. Today marks another historic occasion.

I present to you excerpts from my first IM session EVER with my mom.

mom: How do you know I am at computer?
me: God told me
...
mom: ... are you preparing to apply Law School now? ...
...
me: i haven't contacted phylis yet
me: i'll email yer
mom: This chatting is FUN; how do you know i am on, really?
what's "yer"
...
mom: oh, did [she] really told you that? she might be interested in you. Haha
...
mom: seriously, i will continue to pray for your future wife


Notice that it has all the hallmarks of EVERY conversation I have with her, namely asking me the status of my law school applications as well as mentioning my future spouse (if such a thing actually exists).

Congratulations, Google, you have managed to get my mom to use instant messaging. Not an easy feat.

(Sorry, SWA, I know you were rooting for Yahoo!)

the web vs. email

This guy poses an interesting question.

Which would you rather give up, assuming you had to give up one, the Web or Email? They both still exist (everyone else has access to both, only you have to give up one) and there's no cheating (IM, webmail, text messages to replace email).

I would definitely give up email. Neither my work nor my personal life REQUIRE email. Contrary to popular belief, I don't really keep in touch with people outside of my immediate family and friends that I see everyday. I'm bad at keeping in touch with long distance friends. (I know, that sucks, and I'm sorry to all my hometown and Taiwan friends) And the phone is still a great communications medium. The web on the other hand I use for entertainment, research, and shopping. What do I spend 90% of my time doing while at work? Browsing the internet. I mean, doing research related to my job. (Actually 90% of the time is spent IM'ing ppl, so I guess work would be a little more boring if I gave that up) Plus, how could I update my blog without the Web? Without that, what would the masses do? See? I'm only thinking of the masses here.

The Amazing Adventures of Gas Cap Man

This past Sunday I had the opportunity to help out a citizen in need.

Apparently after this woman (let's call her Mary Jane to protect the guilty) filled up at the gas station, MJ 'forgot' to put MJ's gas cap back on and close the gas door. As MJ drove off, MJ heard a 'clank, clank' and sees something fly off the roof of MJ's car. "Waaaaaaaaaaah!!! I think that was my gas cap!!" Fortunately the gas cap landed in the street right by the median and in a yellow painted area (where you're not supposed to drive). So I said, "It's ok, it landed on the side of the road, we can just walk on the median and get it." To which MJ replied, "We???"

Grrreat. Superheroes are always expected to do their jobs alone.

 
Who is that dashing young man walking on the median? If you click for the bigger version, you can see a Mobil in the background. That was the scene of the crime. 

 
Risking life and limb for a gas cap. But hey, that's what superheroes do, right? 

 
Reaching for the Cap by Willy Maekit. 

 
If you look at the guy in the SUV, he's probably thinking, "What the heck?" Either that or "I can see your underwear, man!" I know. That's part of my outfit. 

another year, another epiphany

Monday, September 11, 2006. This marks the fifth anniversary of 9/11.

Why does 9/11 not have a name, but instead is called by its date?

That sucks. That's like being the third child and being named '3'. (Anybody think of Ender's Game like I just did?)

I realized this will be the last Sept 11 I observe in LA. By this time next year, I will probably be in a new city, perhaps a new state, unemployed, and enrolled in the most expensive education of my life.

That makes me more than a little sad.

It's hard to buy stuff when you're unemployed.

pictures from Timmy's and Judy's wedding have been posted.

the perfect wife

For Labor Day weekend, I flew to Baltimore to meet up with my cousins and my siblings. I was expecting a nice relaxing weekend eating and playing Bang!. But I discovered something I never thought I'd find.


If a bushel of crabs were a woman, I'd marry her.

If you know me (and if you're reading this blog I assume you do, otherwise you're a stalker. If you are, drop me a line, maybe we can set something up. After all, if you love me that much to stalk me, you can't be all bad. And I'm still single.) then you know I love crab. If you look closely at the picture, you'll see "1 Bu" on the box which means 1 bushel. "How much is a bushel?" Fortunately for you, there was a dedicated team in Baltimore that set out to answer this question. 1 bushel = 5 dozen crabs. This makes me smile like you wouldn't believe.

When you look at a bushel of crabs, you feel anticipation, you get excited, and a warm fuzzy feeling starts growing inside. That would be your stomach growling. You also know that there is a lot of hard work involved, and sometimes you might get hurt. You know you'll have to really dig to get to the good stuff, but in the end, it'll all be worth it. Just like marriage.


A picture of the research team before we begin our experiment.

To unwind after such hard work, we played many a game of Bang! with the Dodge City and Fistful of Cards expansion packs. We also dabbled in some play of The Settlers of Catan. Also on the itinerary were a few rounds of Napoleon, and learning two very scandalous stories about my dad. (too scandalous to post, but I'll tell anyone who knows Taiwanese in person) To round out the meals, we ate at a southern BBQ place (with sweet tea!) and DW fired up the grill. Good food, good fun, and awesome company. And I met the perfect woman. I'd call it a success.

You know where to look for the rest of the pictures.

Thanks to DW and SC for hosting Labor Day 2006.

The last thing I want to mention is that SW and DW married well. The two most memorable quotes from the weekend:

"Follow your heart!" --MY
"I'm not willing to sacrifice Bang! time." --SC

Who knew the General Store could be so deadly?!

new office

My company finally moved into our new office. It was announced late 2005 and supposed to happen sometime in Jan 2006. Executed Aug 28, 2006. I guess they just like to give us advance notice.

Moving to a really nice office building in Santa Monica with covered parking, our own parking passes, a spacious office, and a window seat with a view is like getting a promotion. Obviously I have no idea what I'm talking about because I have never received a promotion. But I can dream.

I actually have my own window blinds. Watch out world, I'm moving up.

M.S. in Computer Science

ecstatic: The feeling one feels when one needs an A- or above in his/her last class to graduate, writes an email to the professor, receives a reply that says "if you knew you needed such a grade you should have worked for it and not try to pass on to me your problem", is forced to wait a week for grades to be revealed and then sees:

92568: A-

in the list of grades. (92568 would be the aforementioned person's id)

"It is finished." -Jesus
(Yes, this is a gross misquote of the Bible)

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty! I'm free at last!

Seriously, God must really love me, because according to my calculations, there was no chance of me getting an A-. (PNG, you can add this to the list)

one of these things is exactly like the other

The universe almost exploded.

man severs dead cells after almost 1 year

pics from Hair Cut 2006 have been posted.

My photographer MJ wants to be credited.

they can take our lives, but they can never take......

Today, I will take my last final.

Today, I will cut my hair. Actually, EL will.

Today, I will taste freedom.

temporary outage

Due to moving, the poll will be down until next Wednesday. That's when we get our Internet connection at our new apartment. If you see me before then shaking, sweating, and pale, don't worry, I'm just practicing my dance moves for JT/TC's wedding.

Yeah, right. I don't know how to dance.

Saturday, August 5, 2006 has arrived. Booooo.

Moving Day, we meet again. I still hate you.

Moving sucks. Why? Because it messes up my organizational system. I'm one of those who subscribe to the "I-know-where-everything-is" system. This system works great. It's gotten me through 24 years of my life. The only problem is when someone else messes with the system and tries to "clean". How am I supposed to keep track of where things are if someone else is moving them around? That's not how the system works!

It is also a catastrophe for the system when you have to move. How am I supposed to know where stuff is when it's all in boxes that are in motion? "Where is your toothbrush?" "I dunno which box it's in! But I can tell you where it was in my bathroom!" See what I mean? Catastrophe. At least when I unpack, the system will naturally right itself again.

It's times like this that I realize my life fits in a handful of boxes. Except my car. And motorcycle. And family, friends, relatives, loved ones. But you know what I mean.

ugh

Time: 8:11AM
Hours slept since 2PM yesterday: 0

I just arrived at work after pulling an all nighter working on my project. I don't remember the last time I pulled an all nighter for school. I think it was for a PolySci class in college where I had to write a 20 page paper. I think I started it the night before it was due. That class was also during the summer.

No, my project is not done. Probably 95% complete.

Amount of meaningful work I'm going to get done at work today: none
Amount I usually get done: close to none

How delirious I am: very

SITREP

Date: August 3, 2006
Time: 4:18PM
Day of Week: Thursday
Location: Computer Lab, Salvatory Hall, USC, Los Angeles, CA
Purpose: waiting to attend my last class of my last (hopefully) course at USC
Name: Bond, James Bond

I'm sitting here in a nicely air conditioned room reading the news about how hot it is in NYC, wars in Lebanon/Iraq and blogs of people I don't even know. This very likely is the last time I'll be in a computer lab at USC, the last time I'll be waiting for a class to start (at least for another year), one of the last days before I get my degree (again, hopefully. Can you sense I'm full of hope?). The last Friday before I cut my hair (let's have a moment of peace for that......ok, moving on).

This should be a momentous occasion, one of those moments in life I think back on with fond memories. This should be a defining moment in the History of JW. But, sadly it's not. This moment will pass without much more thought than it takes to write this entry. And I really don't feel too sad about that.

Instead, I look to the future, or some such nonsense. Honestly, I can't think of anything else besides trying to finish my project which is due in 32 hours. And I took off 2 days of work for it. Argh.

Ok, class is starting in 3 minutes.

too bad, so sad

(this links to a picture of something dead)

Our temporary 3rd roommate is no more.

when did this happen?!

The Internet becomes a very scary place when your mom starts using emoticons.

Sample email 1:
ops!! I mean I will pick Melissa on 7/17/06, and the "Safe trip" is for everyone of us who's going to travel in the future.

Embarassed smiley? Wink?! When did my mom know what wink meant? If I ever winked at her she'd think there was something wrong with my eye.

Sample email 2:
I am just learning to use it, but it's OK for you to make fun out of my expense , because I am enjoying to read all of your suprises.

The idea of my mom sticking her tongue out at me just destroys any idea of normalcy I had in my head.

My mom is joining the Internet revolution.

This scares me to no end.

(Kudos to Yahoo for making emoticons so user-friendly, my mom can use them.)

Today marks....

Exactly one month until I cut my hair.

Exactly one month until I finish school.

Let this be the shortest month ever.

The Great Digital Divide

There is a chasm. It is big. It is wide. It is known as the Great Digital Divide. (yes, I did make that up on the spot.)

If any of you have been paying attention to the blogosphere, you'll already know about the Stolen Sidekick. (a LOT of reading on that page, reserve 30-60 min to read it all)

Summary: Person A has a friend who left their Sidekick (a T-mobile email thingy/cell-phone) in a NYC taxi. Person B finds it and keeps it. Person A offers reward and tries to get it back. Person B refuses. Person A is appalled at the lack of consideration from Person B. Person A decides to humiliate Person B on the internet to try to get the Sidekick back.

I don't care to comment on the morality of the situation or how it all played out, but what struck me was this: It's obvious that Person A is definitely in the "technology haves" while Person B (who is a 16-year-old mother) is probably in the "technology have-nots". While Person B may have a computer/cell-phone/myspace page, she definitely does not have as much knowledge as Person A (who works in the IT industry). What if the roles had been reversed? Person A wouldn't have the knowledge to create a website to publicly shame Person B and get the support of thousands/millions of readers. Or the money to pay for the bandwidth. Or the ability to take that much time off (the guy missed a week of work; he's a consultant).

Is this fair? Essentially, those who are tech-savvy have a tremendous advantage over those who are not. While this is true with many other things (born a certain race, class, or in a certain country), the information age is widening this gap and making it even more difficult for the weak/oppressed/poor to move up. While the Internet/technology is a huge boon to economic activity and is changing our lives forever, it's also leaving people behind.

What's the moral of this story? Teach your kids how to use a computer. I know a great tutor who is about to get his Master's in Computer Science, loves kids, and has really long hair.

Just kidding, the real moral of the story is we need to help those on the other end of the chasm to come to our side, but you already knew that.

this just in: second richest man in the world gives billions to first richest man

http://money.cnn.com/2006/06/25/magazines/fortune/charity1.fortune/index.htm?cnn=yes

Not really, but that sensationalist title got you to read this post right?

second time i've won something

I just won a company raffle for a mini fridge. It's now sitting on my desk cooling a bottle of snapple. Way to go piece of paper with '3' on it.

The first time I won something, I got a package in the mail with a free computer game and a T-shirt. I didn't even remember entering the contest, but whatever.

T-shirt and computer game, now a mini fridge. I'm moving up! Too bad I didn't win the lottery last time it was over 300 million.

< Ross' voice > It's all relative

Yup. That's right. I'm part Dutch.

As my conversation with SC confirms, his mom and my mom both say we have Dutch blood in our family. I think the story goes like this:

Somebody, somewhere, a long time ago got married. To a Dutch lady (or guy). And then they had kids, and some more people got married and had kids, and somewhere in there, I was born. Thus, making it clear and obvious that I am part Dutch. If anybody says otherwise, you can point them to the aforementioned irrefutable evidence.

This also explains my amazing hair growing ability.

See? The world make sense again. Rest easy.

The end is near

A date has been set. For the cutting of the hair. I know, it's a momentous occasion.

I think it's kinda sad that I didn't document this. (I say sad, some people say a fortuitous oversight. Hey, I say I want to remember this phase of my life. If you were in some kind of horrible accident that left you temporarily disfigured, wouldn't you want it documented and photographed so you could remember it? Ok, maybe not. I'm gonna have to rethink this whole give-an-example thing.)

This all started back in Sept or Oct of 2005. BM and I agreed to grow out our hair and made a pact saying neither one of us could cut it (trimming was allowed) unless both of us agreed. Thus began my journey on the path to becoming a walking advertisement for the Hair Club for Men. And then got promoted to the Example-of-What-Happens-When-Your-Hair-Takes-Over-Your-Head Club for anyone. Over the course of the last hair-filled months, I have learned many things, a sampling of which I will list below.

The amount of time it takes to shower has an exponential relation to the length of your hair

You (and when I say you, I mean me) should rotate shampoo and conditioners because they all have their uses

I used to take for granted that I never had to comb my hair. Not anymore. I can't even put my contacts in without first combing my hair out of the way.

My hair is naturally wavy.

Hair-ties are priceless. (and free if you bum them off your female friends)

The heat retention property of hair is amazing. This becomes especially pronounced in the summer (read NOW).

It takes forever for your hair to grow long enough to donate to Locks of Love. Seriously. Forever. And we all know Forever is too long.

All of your friends and relatives will crack hair jokes. All of them. Even EL's Dad who completely out of the blue, said "If we were gonna make a movie, guess who'd be Jesus?" and then slapped me on the back. Yup, all of them.

I feel like I've learned so much, and come such a long way from my short-haired ignorance.

Nah, maybe not.

August 8th, mark your calendars. Cuz I know that's what you do when something important is gonna happen.

san-guo's birthday

I dunno how to spell Taiwanese words.

Pictures from my Dad's 3rd sister's Birthday celebration have been posted.

My favorite moment from that night:

You know that awkward moment when someone is talking to you, or you need to say something but your mouth is full of food? Or how about if you need to smile for a spontaneous picture? This happened to Kay. As we were eating, our uncle came over to our table to take a picture. JL and EL's family was first. So they told Kay to smile. Which she did. That's when she realized her mouth was full of food. (Rice from what I saw) This is what I imagine was going on in her head.

"Oooo, a camera. The relatives must want more pictures of me so they can remember how cute I am. That's what I would do if I were them. Who IS that weird uncle with the long hair? I've been wondering that ever since he sat down. I think his name starts with a J......Jane? Janice? Janine? He looks like a girl. He should cut his hair after he finishes his last class and gets his degree. Oh wait, Mommy and Daddy are telling me to smile. What is this stuff in my mouth? Oh, it must be the rice. But I'm not supposed to open my mouth when I'm eating. What to do? WHAT TO DO?! I know, I'll ask Daddy."

So Kay turns to JL and points to her full cheeks and says, "I have food in my mouth." Since the picture was about to be taken, JL and EL reply, "it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter" through their smiles.

I think the picture was taken with a confused Kay looking at JL. I'm really curious how that picture turned out.

I'd have to say my second favorite moment was when everyone was taught how to play Bang!

Buh-Buh-Boston?

Whenever I come back from a vacation, I wish my life were a vacation all the time. (Yeah, I know I don't have room to complain because, let's face it, my life is pretty good. But still, doesn't everyone wish it could be better? Yes, I know everyone wishes my life would be better. Don't you just love all these rhetorical questions I ask?)

So last weekend I flew out to Boston to visit my bro and his wife, SW and MY. My sister JW and my cousin and his wife DW and SW met us there, too. This was the first reunion of the "Bang! Dodge City" club. If you don't know what that is, you should find out. (Yes, I know the original Bang! club was in San Jose with EH, DO and VO, but this is the first time with the _expansion_. Just thought I'd clarify.)

I arrived Friday, and spent most of the day chatting with MY and studying for my LSATs. Since it was raining, everyone's flight got delayed and we picked up JW, DW, and SW at night. We wasted no time and played Bang! as soon as everyone got home.

On Saturday it was raining all day. But that didn't stop us from walking around Boston. We got some Dim Sum in China Town, then went to Quincy Market. Afterwards, we walked to Paul Revere's house. Then we went home, steamed some lobster and feasted. Then we played some more Bang!

Sunday, we woke up and went to CBCGB, then went to lunch at Chili's with SW's friends. After lunch, we went home and decided to go walk around Copley Square and Newbury street. Then we rushed home to buy dinner and squeeze in one last game of Bang! before DW and SW left that night. You know how great it is when we decide we don't have enough time and must play WHILE we're eating.

Monday was my LSATs which is the longest test I've ever taken. Depending on my score, I may or may not elaborate further. We'll see in July. Afterwards, we went to go watch Cars. And then I flew home.

Pictures are now up.

for your amusement

The Advertising Slogan Generator

And now for something completely different.

GOAL!!!

I remember where I was 4 years ago during this month. I was in Taiwan, attending a Chinese Language camp with my brother and younger sister. It was hot. It was humid. And we were dying.

The camp was like a prison, except without the bars, guards, and prisoners. Our schedule was laid out for us every hour of every day and the teachers gave us tons of homework. I remember we counted down every single day until it would be over. And when it was, everyone started crying. There were people from Hong Kong, Indonesia, and the US. But despite our differences, we all bonded together against a common enemy, our overlords. It's amazing the relationships you build when you are going through hardships.

Anyway, why do I even remember this? Because I remember the World Cup was on tv during that time. Yeah, I know, random memory. It's amazing what kind of junk I have stored in my head.

allergy season

What's the worst part about riding a motorcycle? Is it perpetually being invisible to car drivers? No air conditioning/radio? Not being able to pick up your cellphone? The fear of getting rear-ended at any traffic light?

None of the above. The worst thing about riding a motorcycle is having to sneeze. And seeing as how my allergies have been acting up recently, my daily commute to work has had its interesting moments.

Midwesterners are just nicer

Wednesday night, one of my roommates and I decide to get some coffee after dinner. In the parking lot, we witness an accident: a pickup truck backs into another car. When the drivers got out, the truck driver starts yelling at the car driver. My roommate and I park the car and go over because we were witnesses to the accident. (I don't know about CA driving laws, but in Ohio, if you're a witness to an accident, you're supposed to stay until the police arrive so you can give a statement. If there's already a witness, you can leave.) As it was a crowded parking lot, a lot of people saw it happen and we all agreed it was the truck driver's fault. Since the truck driver was yelling at the car driver, we all came to his defense and a lot of people gave him their number offering to complete a statement saying it was the truck driver's fault. After everyone came to the car driver's aid, the truck driver backed off.

What was surprising to me about this incident, was that it was one of the few times I have witnessed LAians being genuinely decent, nice, and helpful to others. Ever since I moved here, most of my experiences have been on the side of the truck driver; everyone only cares about their own needs/wants/life. It's nice to see LA actually has a soul, too.

what's in a name?

hahahahahhaahaa.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4774429.stm



Check out a picture of the real Guy Kewney. (he's on the left column)

more babysitting adventures

Ever wondered what it was like to drive around with 3 kids in the car yelling "We're lost! We're lost! We're lost!"? Yeah me neither. But fortunately for me, now I never have to.

Babysitting for my cousin involves watching 3 future-stunt-doubles. (If they end up doing anything besides becoming professional stunt doubles, they are not using all of the gifts God gave them, which include but are not limited to: the ability and desire to climb everything......and then jump off, and not have a scratch on them, as well as the energy equivalent of a million mortal men) Today's task included taking them to their dance class.

Ok, no problem.

Except that today, the road that my cousin told me to take to get to the class was blocked off for a parade.

Ok, no problem. Just go around.

That's when I found out that kids, even though they don't know street names or directions, can 'remember' the way to get to a certain place. Since we weren't taking the normal route, all I kept hearing was "I don't remember this place. Are we lost? Do you know how to get there? Are you sure you're going the right way? This is taking a long time. We should have been there by now. I think we're lost. I don't want to be lost." This eventually led to "WE'RE LOST!! WE'RE LOST!!" And no matter how many times I assured them we weren't lost, that I was just taking a different road because the road was closed, they would have none of it.

This created a problem. I think today was the first day that babysitting has made me not want to have kids. Ever. Granted, that was a brief moment, but I think I've reached a new plane on the whole "to have kids/not to have kids" question.

Another interesting thing happened today. While waiting for his two older sisters to finish their dance class, the youngest kid (GC) and I were walking around. Suddenly, a small dog escapes from his owner's grasp and runs toward GC. GC starts frantically running away and screaming at the top of his lungs. At first, this catches me completely off guard. Dogs run toward me all the time. They smell your crotch, maybe sniff your hand and then run away. What I later realized was that if something the size of a BEAR was running at me, I probably would have reacted in the exact same way. AND, I'm guessing he doesn't have a lot of interaction with dogs. I felt bad. He's probably scarred for life. I didn't really know what to do either, as they were running in circles around me. Do I try to grab the dog? Or do I try to grab the frantic kid who's running for his life? Didn't matter, by the time I started moving, the owner already had grabbed the dog. Yeah, I guess I'm not so decisive under pressure.

the end is near

The first class of my last semester at USC was this afternoon. I only fell asleep three times. That I know of.

The professor is humorous and he says he grades leniently, but the class involves a lot of projects. Great. So much for a nice relaxing last semester. Oh well, it'll make finishing that much more of an accomplishment.

In other news, this video caused my department at work to explode into laughter the other day. Back to you, Bob.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wzMJ_RdgHg

future of communication

For the last few years, I've been using a program called Skype (rhymes with pipe). It lets you talk with any other Skype user for free using a computer, mic, and speakers/headphones. It has also allowed you to call any other phone in the world for a fee (a couple cents/min depending on country). This has been great for international calls (free if both people are near a internet-enabled computer).

That's all changing.

According to this, ALL calls originating and ending in the US and Canada are free. At least until the end of this year. This means people who don't want to use their cell phone minutes during peak hours can call any phone (including cell phones) in the US or Canada, anytime, for free as long as they are near a computer. I mean, I don't know anyone like that *cough*MJ*cough*, but maybe you do.

No catches, no gimmicks.

Welcome to the future. Commence rejoicing.

Graduation day

Things I will remember about my graduation:

Being slightly late and having to try to find my college while other colleges were already proceeding into the graduation area. Luckily we were one of the last ones to be seated.

Seeing all the engineering students stand on their chairs to get a better view....while everyone else was sitting down. (see pictures in gallery)

Going to E3 during the break from the main ceremony and my satellite ceremony. Sometimes it's hard to believe I live in LA.

Sitting through a billion graduates' names while I waited for my name to be called.

Seeing my friends at the front of the audience taking pictures.

Hearing my name pronounce correctly. (Chinese pronounciation, "wong" not "wang")

Seeing TC do a crazy dance while I walked across the stage.

Looking for a way to escape with a bunch of other graduates.

Seeing my friends there.

Even though I don't officially finish for another semester, participating in commencement really makes me feel like I've finished something. The last class is like the cleanup you have to do after a big party. The main event is over, you just have some odds and ends to take care of.

This blog has lasted through another chapter in my life. I wonder what's next.

Thanks to RY, TC, BH, JL, EL, EH, WL, DVJ for coming. Thanks to KG for the flowers. They were very masculine.

Student in the USC Viterbi School of Engineering planning on graduating in August 2006.

commence firing, captain!

Yesterday I finished my last presentation for this semester. Too bad my "summer" break is only until next Wednesday. I feel a lot less stressed though. Maybe because I'm walking in my commencement on Friday, so I feel like I'm graduating. Even though I'm not. Booo.

How did I get here? I feel like I've just been moseying along, taking classes, working and not really paying attention to what I'm doing (like most of my life). All of a sudden I run through the finish line tape that says I'm supposed to walk in the Spring commencement even though I don't finish until August. Dude, how come no one told me most other schools (that don't have 40-50,000 undergraduates) only have commencement ceremonies once a year? That just goes to show you never know what you don't know. (that's a quote from my wise friend BH)

So, what now?

This has nothing to do with anything. But it's cool.

http://users.skynet.be/J.Beever/pave.htm

Hi, I'm water

"Hi, my name is Nabela."
"Hi, I'm Jeff. Nice to meet you."
"You don't look like a Jeff."

What do I look like then? People have only said this to me a handful of times throughout my life. Each time, I don't know how to respond. If someone says you don't look like your name, how are you supposed to take that? I'm conflicted between anger (who are you to decide how Jeff's should look?), confusion (maybe I've been misnamed, who am I?), and curiosity (what about my appearance differs from other Jeff's?). Usually curiosity wins out. In this case, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation.

"Really? What makes you say that?"
"I dunno. You just look like you should have a Hawaiian name, like Aqua or something."

...I think I should cut my hair.....or change my name to Aqua....

now we can laugh with him

2006 White House Correspondents Association Dinner

on protests and boycotts

from nytimes.com

"I was thinking about not buying things, but then I needed to buy stuff," Mr. Sanchez said in Spanish, with the cashier, Jolenne Ramirez, interpreting.

...

"I'm a citizen, but I support people who come here to work. I don't care where people come from, whether they're white, black or Oriental, I don't care," said Mr. Garcia, 36, a taxi driver who emigrated from Mexico 20 years ago.

...

"We work so we can pay the bills," said Efrain Hernandez, 61, who was born in Texas. "We have to work, but we're not going to buy nothing."

-----

I think we should give them the right to an education that teaches how to articulate, not use politically incorrect terms, and avoid using double negatives. Immigrant rights!

welcome to the suck

Last night, I discovered, for the second time since I've moved to LA, I was the victim of an attempted Grand Theft Auto. The key word in that phrase starts with an A and rhymes with bempted. (for those with less than spectacular rhyming skills, the word that I'm referring to is attempted) My car has now almost been stolen twice, but has somehow resisted. How is this possible, you ask? In this City of Angels car thieves, how was my car able to resist falling into evil hands? What reasonable explanation is there for this?

I can think of only one.

My car is invincible.

(imitate end of GoldenEye)
(end scene)

π ways to build a robot wife for an engineer

March 9, 2006 - tagged by MJ.
March 10 to April 10 - kidnapped by aliens....or something.
April 11, 2006 - realize I've been tagged and proceed to write this post.

Since the tagger's xanga is protected, I have to explain what I've been tagged for. I'm supposed to give a list of what I look for in a future mate.

As with any good informal-posted-on-a-blog list, I think a preface is in order. Since technology will probably not be able to produce a life-like robot (or android) in my lifetime, I guess I have to settle for the real thing. (Yes, my name is calculon, and I am a Geek™) (No, my real name is not calculon, but that's something that geeks do, c'mon, keep up)

Ok, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, everyone go read this.

Do we all agree geeks are awesome? Ok, now we can get to the point.

(I've added percentages to show what portion of the world's population would fall into that criterion)

According to my parents, my future wife must meet 2 criteria.

1. female 50%
2. undeniable evidence from the way she lives that she loves God much less than 33%

Now that I have fulfilled my filial duty, I present to you the list, in no particular order:

She is fluent in Mandarin (this includes reading and writing) + (ideally) Taiwanese
You know, my Mandarin and Taiwanese are only ok. But my family thinks it's really good. So everytime my parents/aunts/uncles or someone-who-i-don't-know-but-is-probably-related talk to me, I have to pretend that I know what they're saying. But I'm really clueless. They could be asking me the recipe for fortune-cookies for all I know. So who better to be your interpreter than your spouse right? An added bonus is getting great service at Chinese restaurants.

The real reason for this is for our kids. We gotta give them every advantage we can right? I can teach them how to play video games, but who will teach them to speak another language? Their mom! This way they'll be all prepared to argue with people in Taiwan over which video game is the best. 13.4%

She is humorous
I want someone who can laugh at my family with me. And who finds the little things in life funny. Because I lost those when I was like 6. And ever since then, I've only had the big things. I need to complete my life funny set!

Oh, and anytime I'm making fun of someone in our family (read: siblings and their spouses) she has to be on my side. Those are the rules.

She is social glue
For the simple fact that I am not. There are some out there that do not believe my claim of being introverted. But, trust me, I'm an introvert. And shy. That's why I'm posting an intensly personal list of future-mate-traits on the Internet. No, seriously, I need someone who can get me out of conversations I don't want to be in. We'll have a hand signal and everything. Like me waving to her to come over and join the conversation. And then I'll leave. 60%

She prefers truth over happiness
I am of this mindset. I'd rather know the whole truth even if it'll hurt me. And hopefully she'll be the same. So there won't be any confusion when she asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" and I answer truthfully. If she wanted me to lie, why did she ask? She knows I'm an honest person!

She is decisive
This is one of my pet peeves. I hate it when people can't make up their minds. There is nothing wrong with looking at the big picture, making sure you didn't miss anything and taking your time to make a wise decision. But once you've made up your mind, stick to your decision. Debating the pros/cons of any decision could last forever (I know, because I tend to do this). Eventually you just have to pick one. (Perfect example is when I ask her to marry me. She can take her time to reach her decision. But I'll only take her first answer, be it yes or no) (just kidding, if it's no, I'll let her change it)

She has (or will have) an upper level degree
This is defined as something beyond a bachelor's degree. This is mainly because I don't want our kids to be dumb (yeah, she's gonna have to offset my contribution to the brains department). And also because my jokes are really complex. Nah, I just want her to be the wage earner in the family so I can be a house-husband. 7.9%

She likes to read
This is related to the previous criterion. Plus, what if I'm IMing her a joke and it takes her 10 seconds to read? The moment will have passed. Steps must be taken to avoid huge potential calamities such as this.

She wears glasses
This isn't really that important to me, but if I had the choice, I'd prefer someone who wore glasses. (contacts count). For some reason, I find this attractive. Maybe because if I lose my contacts, I can steal hers. Oh, having the exact same prescription as me gets bonus points.

She has musical ability
I think it would be hard for me to marry someone who can't sing in tune. It would just make me not want to sing. Ever. And that would be a sad sad marriage. But honestly, playing an instrument is attractive. Just an insurance policy for our pan-handling in case she loses her job.

She likes logic puzzles and red herrings
She can join in our debates about who got the Sudoku puzzle first. I did of course. She's married to me remember?

She likes to play cards
This is so she won't feel bored at family gatherings. I mean between translating for me and being social glue, she has to do something right?

She likes kids
How can you have a family if you don't like kids? And how can you start a family owned business if you don't have family? Which brings me to my point.

She has siblings
I need someone to give me dirt on her, right? And who will tell all the embarrassing stories at the wedding banquet?

She wants to get married in Hawaii
Ok, anybody who I've explained this to can be excused for this session. Basically it goes like this: If we get married in Hawaii, then only people who really want to come (read: close friends and family) will actually shell out the money to fly to Hawaii. This solves the problem of inviting a bunch of people you don't really know at your wedding. Another bonus is you get to spend a few days hanging out with your close friends and family in Hawaii instead of them just flying in, spending a few hours with you at the rehearsal dinner + ceremony + banquet, and then flying back home. The last benefit of getting married in Hawaii is the all-in-one packages. I hear they start at $5000. Just show up and everything is taken care of. (Obviously the lowest packages probably leave much to be desired, but still, this is my example for my list, just let it go). But seriously, who doesn't want to get married in paradise? 100%

She knows how to take care of finances
This will become very important when I make a lot of money. I mean, when she makes a lot of money. Plus, I don't want to marry a big spender. Big earner, that's who I want to marry.

She is tall
This is very subjective. But let's put it this way, I don't think I would have a problem marrying someone taller than me. And I want my kids to be tall (because taller people have advantages). Obviously, not too tall. But not short. Ideally, someone the same height as me, 5'7".

She is ticklish
Just because. I am, so it would be unfair if she could tickle me but I wouldn't be able to tickle her. I'm all about fairness.

She can drive
This may seem like a weird criterion, but think how hard it would be to marry someone who couldn't drive....well. I would have to do all the driving on road trips, I would have to pay huge insurance premiums because of all the accidents, etc. This just causes too many problems. This only becomes a non-issue if we live somewhere with good public transportation (NY or Taipei for example). But even then, the rare occasion where we rented a car I would have to drive. Nevermind, this is never a non-issue.

She votes!
If you don't know why, then....uh.....just skip to the next one. 45%

She can cook ... well
This is because I like to eat ... well. Actually, I'm not a very picky eater, so I don't even know why I put this here. Maybe to impress my Mom? Oh, our kids. So our kids will have good healthy meals to eat, that's right, I remember now. After all, they have to be tall, remember?

She doesn't talk during movies
If I wanted to talk with her, I wouldn't have bought a ticket to watch a movie. This just boggles the mind. Do I buy a ticket to a concert so I can eat a 7 course meal? Do I buy a ticket to a theme park so I can read a book? The answer is no. We'll talk after the movie. She just needs to remember all the things she wanted to say and spill them out after the credits. This is another pet peeve of mine.

She doesn't want to keep separate bank accounts
Read this.

She doesn't want a diamond ring
The reason I refuse to buy a diamond ring is because the diamond industry is a cartel. Long story short: Diamonds are worthless and we have been conditioned to believe they are valuable. The high prices are artificially fixed. Everytime you buy a diamond, you are supporting an evil cartel. Do a google search. You'll find out the truth.

Ten reasons why you should never accept a diamond ring

Read this if you really want to know why I don't like diamonds

Article in The Economist

This is actually something I feel strongly about, but I know it is probably the most likely criterion I will have to compromise on. 0%

Conclusion
There are (an estimated) 6.5 billion people in the world.
If I multiply all the percentages together (excluding the 0% diamond one), I am left with 3,065,441 possible candidates.

If I include:

no long distance (0.15%) (people living in Los Angeles County (9,937,739) vs. the world (6.5 billion)

age range 22.4%

I'm left with 1050 people.

What does this mean? If I get married, it will truly be a miracle.

The above is completely true and factual. Any sarcasm or alluding to humor in the above post is completely coincidental. The terms of this list are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

http://www.oneredpaperclip.com

BM sent me this link:
http://www.baunmah.com/cita/movie.html

Their stupidity seems to be limitless

“In fact, the RIAA has been known to suggest that students drop out of college or go to community college in order to be able to afford settlements.”

http://www-tech.mit.edu/V126/N15/RIAA1506.html

Mozo RIP 4/1/2006

The original purpose of this blog was to share my exploits while I was living in Taiwan. As that purpose has now been fulfilled, and I no longer am living in Taiwan, I have decided to take down this blog.

Mozo will not be publishing for the indefinite future. It was nice while it lasted. Thanks to all the fans and readers. See you on another site.